From the management of Private Secret Diary, a very



We will return in January, by which time amusing things will hopefully have happened.

At this time of year, I’ve often linked back to a selection of old posts of which I’m particularly fond. This time round, if you’re missing me, this link will take you to a random post. (Although sometimes it seems not to work, but that is technology for you). Do let me know in the comments box below which one it was, and whether it was any good.

If you/your partner/granddad/cat etc. get a Kindle, e-reader or Apple iThing for Christmas then those links will allow you to download the book for a couple of pounds. Please do! Proceeds will go towards paying my bar tab.

Happy Christmas.

19 thoughts on “Closed for Christmas

  1. ajb1605 says:

    And the same to you and yours – that’s the LTLP and brats, not the regulars in the Pub.

  2. Hamish says:

    I was given:

    Ladies glasses found in bedroom. One of the world’s great mysteries, along with that trifling JFK thing.

  3. spazmo says:

    I got one from January 2005 in which a police tactical team (with sniffer dogs) is searching people’s gardens for an escaped lunatic. Five years later, and they STILL haven’t caught you, the bunglers.

    Ah well, Merry Christmas to you and the village gang. And Merry Christmas to Ivan and the rest of the fine folks here in the peanut gallery.

  4. JonnyB says:

    Golly it DOES ACTUALLY WORK!!!

    I got ‘the noticeboard has disappeared!!!’ – and it still hasn’t returned, after all these years.

  5. Z says:

    Well, I’m not missing you yet. When I am, I’ll come back and click on a link and tell you about it.

    In the meantime, do have a wonderful Christmas.

  6. guyana gyal says:

    The 1st one, you pretended to chase a crook and were glad you didn’t catch up with him.

    The 2nd one [because I was curious to see if I’d get a different tale], you were perving at a bird bathing.

    And the 3rd [still curious], Short Tony has a camera in your kitchen and sees you doing something odd to / with your dinner.

  7. ellie says:

    What Z said.

  8. Dave says:

    Alert! Warning to readers! £2.98 for the Kindle version, not ‘a couple of quid’. Does he think we’re made of money?

  9. JonnyB says:

    Dammit you’re right. The problem is now that if I say ‘a few quid’ then that sounds, like, really really expensive…

  10. Bah, Humbug! It’s fiscal month-end here, and I’ll be neck deep in spreadsheets and reports for the next two days. Enjoy your eggnog, Jonny…

    And a Merry Christmas to you, Spazmo, and all the other rubber-neckers who come here to gaze in horrified fascination upon Jonny’s car-crash of a life. God bless us, every one!

  11. john malpas says:

    Merry christmas to all your chickens.

  12. Leilani Lee says:

    I ended up here: “I staggered from the toilet cubicle…” Very funny indeed, as usual. So funny in fact, that I persuaded my LTLP to download a version of kindle for the laptop and he will be getting your book shortly. Very excited

  13. kermit says:

    £2.98 for the Kindle version? The cheek! After the publishers take their cut you’ll probably be left with £0.98! At best, you’ll be able to pay off a mouthful of beer.

  14. Fern says:

    I got The Potato Scene movie with its weird but compelling flavour of an arty foreign film. The delivery man teleporting himself through the closed front door was clearly meant to indicate the abrupt intrusion of the outside world into a tense domestic situation. My partner said it was a sign of technical incompetence but he has no soul.

  15. Sewmouse says:

    I got a “to be continued” about you opening an old box full of mementos. I was not happy. I hate TBC’s

    I shall have to try again.

  16. peach says:

    have bought s n b n r n r on iphone – reading now, will report back – thank you that it’s only 3 tiddly squids, woo hoo, even I can afford that ! Merry Christmas xxx

  17. sablonneuse says:

    Mine was Mar 31 2004 about your grandad’s bottle of beer. Hope your boot has recovered – that’s if you haven’t sold the car!
    Happy New Year to you and yours (including the chickens)

  18. JonnyB says:

    Oh these bring back so many happy memories…

    I still have that bottle of beer. I imagine that it is quite minging inside now, given that half the contents were lost when the seal broke. But it is an interesting thing.

    Happy New Year everybody!!!

  19. tillylil says:

    Mine was Aug 15th 2005 – The doorbell rings.
    Happy to year to all readers of this blog.

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