“So here’s the inspection hatch,” I demonstrate. “And the chamber is under the garden there.”
The man inspects the inspection hatch. I allow my gaze to wander across the garden. It is a nice garden. The nearly-new lawn, the carrstone walling, the stench of human faeces. We chat a little about the mechanics of drainage.
“Unfortunately, it is backing up into the house,” I report. “Which has made the washing machine unpleasant.”
He makes some notes on a piece of paper. I shiver a little. Like thousands of people, I have had the lurgee, and it is proving impossible to shift.
“We are talking a reasonable sum, I’m afraid,” he says kindly. “We can get a mini digger through there, and then we’ll need a small dump truck to take everything away.”
“How appropriate,” I reply.
There is more talk about single and dual chamber systems. It is amazing what you learn as you go through life. We agree that he will send me a written quote. Having been watching BBC’s ‘The Apprentice’ and learning lots from their negotiation techniques, I tell him that I am desperate and please would they get it done as soon as possible.
“So did you have a good Christmas?” he asks on his way out.