A summary of events.

I’m not updating this very often at all.

Which was always the plan, in that I kind of retired from blogging. And as a write a little more in other spheres, I’ve tried to find other hobbies that don’t involve sitting at a PC thinking about words.

Thing is, Twitter has revealed that you only really need 140 characters and people can fill the gaps themselves. Everything else is wasted effort in these days of mobile devices and short attention spans. So it seemed sensible just to save everything up and post it in headlines. Here’s my past few months.

I spend an eventful Christmas with Unlucky John.

We shut the chickens away.

I grow a magnificent beard!!!

I search online for a beard-trimmer, to be sent next-day delivery.

The chickens are morose.

I attend an eye-test.

We win a game of snooker!!!

I study the bird flu regulations with sadness.

I collect my fashionable new spectacles!!!

I am struggling to adapt to my new spectacles.

I badly mis-read the settings on the beard-trimmer.

I fall over Short Tony’s front wall.

The chickens are extremely unhappy.

“Perhaps it was the headbanging?” I ask the LTLP.

We bid farewell to Len the Fish.

I suspect the chickens are being radicalised.

On Leonard Cohen, and music before words

This is in danger of becoming a music blog, but if people WILL keep dying and/or enjoying spectacular critical revivals then that’s the way it’ll have to be. The world has lost a genuine great with Leonard Cohen’s death. In some way the situation is very dissimilar to Bowie’s death, in that it had seemed to be not unanticipated in the media. The Canadian’s old age had been repeatedly cited for the past year or so, despite the fact that he wasn’t particularly that old in the big scheme of things. Early eighties, wasn’t it? Too soon.

So given that I’m (again) hardly first off the mark to articulate my thoughts, what can I say about Leonard Cohen that hasn’t already been said a billion times elsewhere?

This. Forget Cohen the poet. Cast aside your critical analysis of those words, and appreciate the fact that this most literary of intellectuals from Montreal created some of the greatest popular music records ever made.

I was privileged to have a short chat with singer and musician Pete Atkin a couple of weeks ago (he has a book out which I’ve heard is utterly great). Pete wrote the music for, and performed, Clive James’s lyrics, and one of the topics we discussed was the fact that music criticism focuses 99 per cent on the words; possibly 99.9 per cent for certain genres. Because, of course, it’s easier and more natural to write about words.

Whereas, of course, music doesn’t work like that. I wrote a while back about how I loved Georges Brassens, despite the fact that my comprehension of French is diabolical.

So yes. Listen to the records. Listen to them.

To rewind, it became firmly established, after his initial burst of hipster popularity, that Leonard Cohen was miserable; that his was music to slit your wrists to; the Godfather of Gloom; that he couldn’t sing, yadda yadda yadda. In one sense, Cohen had become one of those jokes that people did, not too far removed from ‘in the dark, you can only see their eyes and teeth’: not witty, nor funny, nor original, nor intelligent in any sense; just a punchline that remained a punchline because somebody, somewhere had decided that it was one. That was the seventies for you.

Perhaps at that point his most analysed songs tended to be the ‘growers’. ‘Chelsea Hotel’ for instance – it’s lovely, but not the most accessible production in his catalogue. And the masterpiece album that launched his decade, ‘Songs of Love and Hate,’ opened with the ferocious and doomy intensity of ‘Avalanche’ – a magnificent piece of music unlikely to convert a sceptic. Leonard Cohen’s own – ummm – mixed feelings about his collaboration with Phil Spector possibly coloured the reception of his most conventionally ‘pop’ album.

But that might be over-analysing things. I think people had just made their minds up.

Sonically, Cohen’s seventies albums are astonishing. His stock approach was to take a few chords on a nylon-stringed guitar, mix his own voice with a couple of great female singers having instructed them to sound ‘beautiful’, then augment where necessary with pared-back instrumentation. In this, he created a body of work that was the easiest of easy listening, in the truest possible sense. One should be able to say that without howls of outrage from pseuds; it doesn’t diminish from the songs’ weight. Works like ‘Why Don’t You Try’; ‘Joan of Arc’; ‘The Window’; ‘The Guests’ – these should have been Radio 2 staples; in a different world he could have been performing them as the musical interlude on The Two Ronnies. *Adopts posh Scots voice* “Ladies and Gentlemen – Mr. Leonard Cohen.”

Then you hear snatches of his live performance, or the studio recordings where he lets that bellow really rip. And again, if you’ve not been listening, it’s a revelation. Post-Cohen-revival, we’re kind of used to the concept of Leonard Cohen as a showman, but when ‘Sing Another Song Boys’ hits the coda, there’s a moment of open-mouthed: ‘bloody hell – this guy can *rock*’ And no words to be heard – just la-la-laaahs, blasting out at the Isle of Wight festival audience. ‘Live Songs’ may as well be the Rolling Stones in its spirit. ‘Is This What you Wanted?’ is barely-reined-back thunder.

So: Phil Spector. When I was a little boy, ‘Death of a Ladies’ Man’ was the only tape we had in the car. Being puritans at heart, and a tape player in the car being unimaginable luxury and indulgence not really for the likes of us, we didn’t listen to this tape that often. Like a cassette-based front room, it was reserved for ‘best’, this being the long drive to our annual fortnight in the West Country. I’ll therefore never be able to disassociate the simple ‘ting!’ that opens the album with the utter joy that the outset of this journey represented. ‘As the misssttt…’ they sing, above the Wall of Sound – it’s anything but misty, but I am misty-eyed recalling it. ‘Death…’ is the Cohen album for people who don’t like Cohen, but side A and most of side B of that tape surely can’t be described as anything other than one of the most utterly fucking exciting twenty or so minutes of music of 1977 – it hits you between the eyes with its major sevenths and spoken vocals and however many hundreds of drummers that Spector multi-tracked for the fill that leads to the climax of that sax solo.

But I can’t possibly get that across. Because the words are much easier to write about.

So just forget them for a bit, and forget the novels and poetry awards and zen-calm and magnetism and humanity and general Leonard Cohen-ness. Go listen to his stuff as you would any other pop group, and see what you think.

The Lost Will and Testament of Jake Thackray

You know that thing many felt about David Bowie?

I felt it when Jake Thackray died. I won’t overplay this: it wasn’t the utter loss and grief of the uber-fan. More an unexpected wash of upset, startlingly so, given that I was fairly convinced that I wasn’t the sort of person to be affected by the passing of a total stranger whose songs I happened to like.

Perhaps it was something to do with learning the news via his formal obituary: I was staying with my wife’s family that Christmas, opened my father-in-law’s Daily Telegraph, and there it was. There is something particularly brutal about learning such things via obituaries (it happened to me again a couple of years later, with a cricketing friend, artist Ian Breakwell. It is not a nice experience). A bit of rootling around later, and I had found his old friend Ralph McTell’s farewell piece to Jake, which had me in pieces.

I sent a silly little email to Ralph McTell to mumble ‘thanks’ and I’ve now found that email posted underneath that latter article. I think the songwriter might even have replied – I can’t remember, but it’s not out of the question; this was 2002 and people did that sort of thing those days.

Anyway. Like I said, I wasn’t an uber-fan, but over the years I became more and more convinced of Jake Thackray’s singular talent, especially as I drifted further into writing for a living. It hadn’t particularly occurred to me that there was lost material; EMI’s release of the ‘Jake in a Box’ set seemed to wrap things up; we enjoyed it and sighed deeply for the loss of a true great.

Then, out of the blue this year, an email. Would I be interested in hearing some recordings of Jake’s lost songs?

I wrote before about the unexpected manner in which Frederic Debreu’s music became reality. This was the bit I left out; a fairly major bit; the bit that was a secret; the bit where my new collaborator Paul Thompson dropped in that he – along with his son – was involved in producing an album of unrecorded Jake Thackray material, to be sung by John Watterson.

(John Watterson is a Jake Thackray tribute act, although the term ‘tribute act’ doesn’t quite do him justice, associated as it is with the another-day-another-dollar touring mainstream. After all, being a Jake Thackray tribute act is a niche occupation rather than a sure-fire route to a quick buck. I’ve not seen him live, but he’s splendid on video. John performs as ‘Fake Thackray’, which is reason enough to book him for pretty well any musical function you could ever think of.)

Would I be interested? Yes. I would.

Audio files began to appear in my inbox over the next couple of months. They came with explanations and annotations: this song was from X; this one was written about Y. Occasionally a touch of anxiety filtered through in the emails: do you think this bit works? Is the background to this song explained adequately? These were people who cared deeply about getting it right; of doing justice to the legacy. I made a couple of the most minor and tentative suggestions about a liner note, and poked my head above the parapet in a debate about instrumentation.

But mainly I just listened and gaped.

John Watterson doesn’t simply ‘do’ Jake Thackray in the way that most people with a certain type of voice might be able to ‘do’ a pretty good Bob Dylan (guilty), or a Johnny Cash (not one of my best), or an Elvis (no good whatsoever) or, indeed, a Barry Gibb (doubly guilty, and have wowed karaoke audiences accordingly). John just seems to inhabit Jake’s voice: the inflexions, the mannerisms, the little asides. Some of these songs have been heard in live recordings before, but many haven’t: it’s not as if John could have simply copied the originals. His performance is the aural equivalent of seeing a ghost; it makes your brain go funny. Some weeks later, my father and I sat down with a bottle of red and I played him the finished but unmastered tracks in a rough album order; I will cherish the look of confusion on his face before I recapped to explain all.

Of course the obvious question about any artist’s ‘lost’ material is: ‘why was it lost?’ and, more pertinently: ‘is it any good?’ To which the answer is: ‘yes.’ I can say that confidently, now that the initial impact of hearing it has passed. These aren’t songs that weren’t good enough to commit to vinyl at the time, but a mixture of work that post-dated Jake Thackray’s recording career, that was recorded for TV but not for album release or that were a staple of his live performances. A couple of tracks survived as lyrics alone; these have been set to new music.

So all-in-all a bit of a treasure trove.

There you go: an unexpected coda to the tale. This is the lot; Paul and John have been through Jake’s old papers and archives, and there’s nothing else. The Lost Will and Testament of Jake Thackray has now been released, with the backing of Jake’s family and Ralph McTell. One of the best, most brilliant things about my life is that sometimes the things that I’ve done, be it work-wise, authoring or blogging, have afforded me a little glimpse through unexpected doors – and this has been one of the nicest, most unexpected doors of all.

Here’s the YouTube commercial. See what you think. The CD’s available via the Amazon link above; cut out the middleman by buying it via John’s own website.

“So she slammed the tailgate, but unfortunately that thrust the canoe forwards through the windscreen…”

It is a shame about Narcoleptic Dave’s car. The occasional incident like that makes me miss writing JonnyB’s diary.

Fortunately, this sort of thing is quite rare in the village these days: a few years on and we are all quite sensible. We didn’t even manage the village outing to the punk weekender this year.

Welcome, if you’ve popped by following the bits and pieces in the Norfolk press. The blog’s now semi-retired, but you can catch up with ‘local interest’ things by following the JonnyB links – bear in mind that although it’s written in the present tense, it dates from over a decade ago, which confuses some people. Please do go buy a book – it’s very good, you know.

If there are any lurking old-school readers who pop in here from time to time to see what’s happening, do say hullo on Twitter when you get a chance… I miss you all, boooooooooooooooo.

*retreats back into cupboard*

La Veuve Vengeresse

Frédéric Debreu continues to develop a life of his own. The latest twist comes from France; a contact from French musician Michel Ameline, with his version of Debreu’s riotous ‘La Veuve Vengeresse’ (‘The Vengeful Widow’).

M. Ameline (I shall call him that, as it sounds exceptionally French, and I don’t know him well enough to refer to him as ‘Michel’) has kindly given his permission to share this: his translation of my English ‘translation’ of a French song by a fictitious French artist in an English book. So there you go.

The audio recording is below and it is quite lovely, for anybody who appreciates a little chanson.


La Veuve Vengeresse (Alex Marsh/Michel Ameline)

Devant à son vieux mari quarante années d’ tourments

Elle eut un curieux sourire le jour de son enterrement :

“J’ vais pas l’ rater, s’ dit – elle, ce sale menteur dégénéré !”

Elle balança une fleur dans l’ trou … puis s’ fit le jeune curé .


Ne jetons pas la pierre à la veuve vengeresse.

 Les cornes posthumes du mari n’ furent pas imméritées.

 Non, ne jetons pas la pierre à la veuve vengeresse.

 Les cornes posthumes du mari n’ furent pas imméritées..


On entendit dans toute la nef l’ écho de francs ébats :

Le fossoyeur fut le suivant des mâles qu’ elle tomba .

D’ un enfant d’ choeur rougissant elle compléta l’éducation,

Puis s’ tourna vers les choristes et … bénit la congrégation.


Un gendarme apeuré fut chargé d’ la conduire au cachot.

Excitée par la vue des menottes elle lui j’ta un r’gard … chaud !

Il app’la des renforts de peur qu’elle ne l’attrapât

Dix collègues, matraque en l’air, vinrent  … et elle ne résista pas


Ne jetons …


Au tribunal, ensuite, “ Ce n’est pas juste !” s’écria t – elle,

Puis, sortant du box, à la défense fit voir ses jarretelles.

Elle pinça les fesses du juge et tripota l’greffier outré …

Et, scandalisant le public, elle corrompit les jurés.


Comme tout l’ monde, devant Saint – Pierre elle dût un jour se présenter …

Le malheureux, depuis, regrette bien de l’ avoir acceptée

Et sur son épitaphe, aujourd’ hui, tous les r’gards s’arrêtent

“ Papa mort, notre chère maman … soudain perdit la tête .”

The Frederic Debreu video commercial

(Don’t forget to turn up your speakers)


The film was made by Claire at Interesting Digital. We work on projects together occasionally; some fun, some serious. (Readers from the old days may remember some Post Office-saving action…)

The original graphics – taken from the book cover and insert – were by Jason at Rawshock Design, who must be one of the most talented designers working in the UK book industry today.

Aside from the legendary Debreu, credit for the tune goes to Paul Thompson. A lover of Georges Brassens and Jake Thackray, Paul has promoted the work of Thackray through regular live performances, appearances on BBC radio, DVD production and, most recently, writing and recording for an album of long-lost Thackray songs.

And the playing, arrangement and recording was by Will Thompson, who was given the melody and a brief, and came back first time with something that couldn’t have been more perfectly-suited.

(I wrote the book.)

Please do share this if you feel so minded!

In which my songwriting career is unexpectedly revived

If you read my first book, you’ll know that I once tried to be a songwriter.

I was a teenager at the time, and I wasn’t very good at it. I could blame the fact that I was growing up in very un-angry, un-rockandroll surroundings; or the fact that I was heavily into progressive rock at the time; or the fact that I was on target to horribly bomb in my English ‘A’ level. Or I could simply accept that I didn’t have the first fucking clue about what I was doing.

“We are the aliens, we come from the Planet Og; We look like a cross between a monkey and a dog.” Yeah, take that Paul Simon!!!

It was sooner rather than later that I decided that lyrics weren’t my thing. As did the rest of the band.

A little while ago I wrote a bit of an essay about Jake Thackray and Georges Brassens, and how they’d been the inspiration for Frederic Debreu. With Jake’s last will and testament long-since having been read, I couldn’t send him a gushing fan-boy note with a copy of the book, but on a whim I sent one to Paul Thompson instead; he’s the man behind jakethackray.com and a general authority upon and mover behind All Things Jake.

I’d written some lyrics when I’d been writing the book, partly as a sort of background-immersion type thing; partly to ensure that I was consistent when I quoted them back to myself throughout the pages. These were worked up into a little promo booklet to go with advance copies of the book (there are still a couple available if you contact the publisher). So I popped one of those in Paul’s envelope as well.

To cut a long story short, Paul replied unexpectedly, having set the lyrics to music. Which was a little flabbergasting, given that my last musical collaboration was about twenty years ago, with a girl who I met via the ‘Loot’ small ads. Anyway, between the two of us, we’ve created a library of lost Frederic Debreu songs. Translated to the English, of course.

Here’s one: it debuted at the Lymm Festival in Cheshire this month. See what you think.

Manning a book/pork pie stall: some observations

So anyway. I did the joint book and pie stall with Sarah and Derek from Bray’s Cottage. It was a genuinely lovely day. Let’s face it, chatting about books and signing them for people is a very pleasant occupation for a Saturday morning, but the incorporation of pork pies and sausage rolls elevates things to a new level. And that was before the nice lady from Ethnic Fusion fed me free bhajis.

To help other authors to benefit from my experience, I have put together some observations. So, in the most niche clickbait ever, I present to you:

8 tips for authors considering running a book and pork pie stall at a farmers’ market

  1. Appreciate that you are not in a bookshop. It is an utterly different audience. The books are an unexpected thing for the customers, who generally attend farmers’ markets to buy pork pies. Some humility is in order. You are not Mr. Important Author behind a desk and a stack of books; you are Mr. Novelty Man Trying To Sell Books In A Different Environment. (Or Mrs./Ms., etc)
  2. If it’s important to you, insist that your pitch is referred to as a ‘book and pie stall’ not a ‘pie and book stall’. Puppet show and Spinal Tap, an’ all that. But either way, ‘a book and a pie – what a perfect way to spend a summer’s afternoon’ was a very successful opening gambit.
  3. Giving away a sausage roll with every book will eat into your margins. And it will not sell a single extra book, as book purchases are not price-sensitive (unless yours is vastly overpriced). However, it will delight the buyer and help the pie/sausage roll element of your stall, who will be grateful, and big up your book accordingly.
  4. Appreciate that – far more so than in bookshops – people will pick up and examine your book even if they have no intention of purchasing. It is a curiosity: a book! They are just being polite, in the way that you say nice things about the house that the Estate Agents are showing you round, despite the fact that the bathroom is avocado and the M6 runs through the front garden. Put an already-thumbed book right at the front. This is your sacrificial book.
  5. A subset of these people will do a sort of lightning flick through the inside pages. It is as if they are double-checking that there are actual words inside and that you are not trying to con them. This behaviour is simply weird.
  6. “I would buy one, but I have a big pile of books at home that I haven’t read yet,” is the universal code for a polite knock-back, allowing both parties to part ways amiably and with dignity. Note that this phrase is acceptable in this type of venue only. If heard at a normal signing, you are well within your rights to respond with: “So what are you doing in a fucking bookstore, then?!?”
  7. “I would buy one, but I’ve just had breakfast,” is the associated code for pie non-sales. Whatever the time of day. And, whether book- or pie-related, “I won’t buy one now, but I’ll pop back,” means they won’t. So don’t get your hopes up.
  8. The most important one: unlike in a bookstore, you’re manning the till yourself. So don’t forget to actually keep a proper account whenever you make a sale, as you can’t live on feeling pleased with yourself alone.