The European government has decided a thing called GDPR. I stare at it in some alarm.

I am more of a ‘big picture creative’ type person than an ‘attention to detail’ type person, as anybody who has been on the motorway in a car driven by me will attest. The words dance around the explanatory website in a mocking fashion.

As far as I can work out, people who write Private Secret Diaries (of which this is the original), and thus detail the minutiae of their lives on the internet for complete strangers to pour over – including taking in detail about their family, friends, builders, chickens, where they live, where they drink, where they play bowls; whether or not they are in the dogg house with their partner (and nature of said dogg house); the conversation they had with Man in Village Shop; repercussions of said conversation; gender, progress and nature of children; and latest humiliations at hand of opposition snooker teams – have to take steps to ensure those readers’ privacy.

This will all be so much simpler when Mr. Rees Mogg is in charge and I suddenly have thousands more readers again from all over the world, except people from the Rep. of Ireland who will no longer be able to see it.

I scratch my head in bewilderment, before typing the words ‘PRIVACY POLICY’ in important capital letters.


This website does use cookies. If you are uncomfortable with that then please do not read!!! Or turn your cookies off. It will make literally no difference to your experience.

I think the Cookies are to do with Google Analytics. I have this installed because I am very sad, and log on periodically to spy on you. Especially YOU.

Google Analytics collects all the info that Google Analytics collects. I don’t do anything with this, however, because there isn’t any advertising on here and I don’t advertise this anywhere. This might change in the future, although it would be an odd future indeed.

Really I only have Google Analytics because those of us who were on the internet when they first plugged it in at the wall had these basic things called ‘sitemeter’ and ‘statcounter’ and stuff in order to make us feel better about ourselves, and then Google Analytics came out and it was like OMG OMG there are loads of figures and buttons to press and stuff.

You can leave your email address to subscribe to new posts, via electronic mail. I like people doing this, as I don’t write very often at all these days. You can unsubscribe at any time, by clicking the link on one of the emails. I don’t like people doing this, but I can’t stop it. It is the pesky EU again!!!

If you contact me via the form, I get an email message. I will reply, unless you are very rude. But I don’t add you to mailing lists or anything. Although if your message is something like ‘I really really loved your last book, it changed my life, you are brilliant’ then it’s possible I might email you again if I write another one. But not automatically.

If you leave a comment here then the site keeps your IP address to check that you are not a spammer, but nothing else happens to the best of my knowledge.

That is it for now. Thank you for your continued interest.

3 thoughts on “I have a new privacy policy!!!

  1. Z says:

    Google Anal. Heh. Anyway, here’s a formal invitation to the blog party. You will be made most welcome, in an understated way, but no grudge will be held if you can’t make it…..again…..

    You’re welcome to all the details you have about me.

  2. JonnyB says:

    Thank you! I shall send you a message on the Face Book!!!

  3. GDPR governs how enterprises create, use, store, share, and delete data on their customers. It also gives the customers the right to know what data is held about them, demand corrections to that data, or to have it all deleted. So technically I could request that you gather up all my old comments and send them back to me so I could review them at leisure for accuracy. But that sounds like hard work, and I’d hate to think of you having to do any of that…

    So, just promise not to fill my inbox with testimonials for penis pills and we’ll call it quits. Deal?

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