Two years ago, I wrote a brief summary of how I had managed to maintain romance etc. etc. on Valentine’s Day throughout the years.

Last year, it went a bit wrong after a little silliness in the Village Pub. That was not my fault, apart from the bits of it that were my fault, so no blame can really be attached to me. I am determined to get it right this year.

We sit at the dining table.

Dinner is beef. Beef is one of the most romantic meals that there is; there is something primal about the red juices that ooze from the flesh, plus a cow has udders which are basically breasts. I carve the beef. There is a nagging feeling that perhaps somebody might have gone a little over the top on the beef purchase, viz the size of joint (see picture), but then it is Valentine’s Day, and a Sunday and all, and to worry about beef size would be the action of a tightwad.

Actually, I have got more interested in Valentine’s Day as I have got older. I KNOW that it is just a commercial card-selling fake festival, and I KNOW that it is really for young people, and I KNOW that the original aim was more to be all mysterious and anonymous with a distant object of affection who you hoped might one day reciprocate. There are people that go on and on about the fact that if you need a specific ‘day’ to celebrate romance then by definition that is rubbish.

But when all is said and done, I defy anybody to say that it is really a bad thing to be prompted to dedicate some time and effort, to have some special time set aside, to be able to sit down for a wonderful meal and wine with somebody with whom – whilst you might not be feeling the first hot flush of a relationship – you’ve spent some of the best years of your life.

“Could you pass the horseradish please?” asks Short Tony.

I pass the horseradish. The beef – even when I have finished carving – still looks alarmingly substantial. I worry about space in the fridge and what I will do with all this beef. The LTLP and Mrs Short Tony sip their drinks in silence.

“Been in the Village Pub for a few pints, I must admit,” admits Short Tony.

“I had a couple in the Social Club,” I co-admit.

Some beef

Fig 1: Beef.

“Did he get you anything lavish this year then?” the LTLP asks Mrs Short Tony, with the relentlessly optimistic air of Jan Moir’s agent pitching a short lifestyle piece to ‘Leather Bears’ magazine.

There is a bit more silence. We eat our beef.

13 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day.

  1. AndrewM says:

    Mmmmmm Beef.

  2. Sam says:

    Nothing like a hunky beef to get you in the romantic mood.

  3. Hopeless Romantic says:

    Nothing says “I love you” like a side of beef. Except, perhaps, a dozen red roses, chocies in a heart-shaped box, and a hopelessly romantic, obscenely expensive Valentine card that actually SAYS “I love you more than life itself.” That sort of leaves the guesswork out though.

  4. Jayne says:

    I agree with Hopeless Romantic.

    Although I think Short Tony might have been a little embarrassed to get such an open declaration in front of your respective unknowing partners – the beef was probably the best choice in the circumstances…

  5. Blazing says:

    Haha. I went for lamb. It didn’t work either!

  6. kermit says:

    oh, come now. at least you didn’t fare as bad as andre, who apparently gave his wife this

    and on an unrelated note, thanks for your input regarding blog hosting. i’m still learning fancy coding, so it’ll be summer before i take the plunge.

  7. Pat says:

    Who’s your Valentine? LTLP or short Tony?

  8. Z says:

    It’s impossible to have too large a joint of beef. We take the roasting tin out of the Aga to the butcher and buy a piece that fits. And inviting the Short Tonies as Significant Others to your Valentine dinner is a master stroke.

    This is now yet another blog that does not appear to update in Bloglines. Is there to be no opportunity of bypassing Google Reader?

  9. JonnyB says:

    Hm. If this has not pinged bloglines that that would explain why it has been so quiet round here…

    I shall go play with some settings an’ stuff.

  10. Paul says:

    Did Mrs Short Tony appreciate your Valentines gesture?

    You’ll be texting her pictures of your meat next…

  11. “The feeling of friendship is like that of being comfortably filled with roast beef; love, like being enlivened with champagne”.
    Samuel Johnson

    On the other hand he did also say the old ‘when a man is tired…

    So I don’t know what to think really

  12. Beef is not remotely romantic, Jonny, as you would have realized had you remembered that it was you thinking that it was romantic – a sure-fire indicator of error if ever there was one.

    Everyone knows that you say it with flowers, but do it with pork…

  13. guyana gyal says:

    There’s a smile on the beef, look, on the top, right hand side, turn your head to the side, left side, and you’ll see it in the small square. Happy something, the beef is saying.

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