From the management of Private Secret Diary, a very



We will return in January, with further dispatches from Norfolk, the original home of sex and bowls and rock and roll.

At this time of year, I’ve often linked back to a selection of old posts of which I’m particularly fond. This time round, if you’re missing me, this link will take you to a random post. (Although sometimes it seems not to work, but that is technology for you). Do let me know in the comments which one it was, and what you thought of it.

Happy Christmas.

30 thoughts on “Closed for Christmas

  1. NickyB says:

    An rather torrid encounter with the Vegetable Delivery Lady – Barbara Cartland would have been proud

  2. Pat says:

    All best seasonal wishes to you and yours.

  3. Lionel says:

    Ah yes, the Scooby Doo bookcase. I’d forgotten about that.

    Ah, October 2004. Was it really 5 years and 2 months ago? Such innocent times. BTW Have you cut those knotholes yet?

  4. greenmantle says:

    “Beginners tips for keeping chickens”… Can I just scale it up for turkeys?

  5. Lola says:

    I got the Scooby Doo bookcase as well. I hope you went ahead with the idea, because I could tell how enthusiastic the LTLP was from your description.

    Seasonal clichés

  6. “The Management”? There’s management, now? How about a phone number for them, then, or at least a complaints hotline? I have choice feedback for them.

    You could also take a page out of the truckers’ handbook, and stick a sign saying “How’s my blogging? Call etc” on your rear. With all the space available, you can include the international code and everything…

    Merry Christmas, by the way.

  7. John Swallow says:

    I got ‘Fishmonger’ which then got me trolling back to visit the inlaws and meetings in London and then….the boss came in and told me to do some work.
    Merry Xmas to you all

  8. spazmo says:

    The random post “Rubbish Jehovah’s Witnesses” was most enjoyable and ironically seasonal.

    Merry Christmas, you cloven-hooved heathen.

  9. Paz says:

    I got one with the following starting line: “Suddenly, it is the Christmas party season.”…dated of 24 Nov 2004. Strangely appropriate.

    Enjoy the break!

  10. JonnyB says:

    These are all bringing back good memories…

    Happy Christmas everybody. I hope you get all you want.

    See you in the new year, and be good.

  11. Richard says:

    I got the interview with Stewart Copeland legendary drummer of The Police. My memory is not yet so bad that I can’t sift back a couple of weeks so I’ll go again.

  12. Richard says:

    Hmmm…your visit to the French market at which you bought chorizo for risotto this time. The baby didn’t deem it interesting enough to wake up for and it didn’t attract any comments at the time. It was better than that, honest.

    Merry Christmas

  13. Strop says:

    I got the pub visit where you bought a third of a cow. Is it still in the freezer?

    It was 2005. Your writing style has come on quite a bit since then.

  14. Sewmouse says:

    “I am invited to go swimming” from this summer. Not, perhaps, on a same level as the beginner’s guide to raising chickens, or Across Tennessee By Kia, the collected essays, but still palatable.

    I believe I shall have to clicky some linkys and read some of these posts I may have missed…

  15. Linda says:

    You visit the hospital with a sample of your baby’s stool as she has diarhea. The year is 2007. It was a Sunday and it involved gagging and going back and forth to the hospital.

  16. VioletSky says:

    Ah, back in August of 2005, you were one cute bunny singing for the Post Office!
    So did you get many Christmas cards in the mail, this year?

  17. Kay says:

    So much fun, can’t help but come back and click again, first was when Jill was blog sitting, second was the chap digging a hole in the street for those all exciting traffic lights, and third was you leaving for Rome letting us know that Jill would be blog sitting… even your random posts have a strange sense of humour!!

    Merry Christmas to you and yours


  18. Fern says:

    I’m afraid I got the one about the groin strain.

  19. guyana gyal says:

    I got a post about you wanting to become a semi-nekkid pole dancer, and you look like Erique Iglesias.

    Oh boy!


  20. Walter says:

    20 Oct 06 – resigning from the ladies book club owing to the upcoming debate on zero-gravity sex. I need say no more.

  21. Andria says:

    The cheese knife went missing!!
    From Sept 2004
    Don’t worry, everyone, the cheese knife reappeared as mysteriously as it had disappeared…

  22. JonnyB says:

    These are all brilliant!!! Keep them coming!!!

  23. Gail says:

    ‘Introducing the LTLP’ – the one with the bad hair dye job. Poor lady. I hope she’s found a new hairdresser.

  24. lisa says:

    Oh dear. Got a village pub quiz night, with a line obviously designed to incite Ivan: “Anyway, I am as extremely good at quizzes as I am as a love.”

  25. guyana gyal says:

    Okay, I confess, I made up that one…I’d gotten one about Paul McCartney and Heather Mills.

    Now, the link leads to one with you and Baby Servalan in ASDA, and a man insults you by saying the baby is better looking than you and…eh?

    Whaz that…?


    all know you’re

    good-loo ?

  26. Blazing says:

    Just a quick note to thank you for the hours of entertainment this year Jonny, and to wish you a hapy, and more importantly, healthy new year.

  27. excellent site, highly amusing, top of the class.


  28. I clicked on the link, to find you were at a low ebb due to a general stairlessness. I felt your pain.

    I do like the idea of “sex and bowels and rock and roll”.

  29. Pat says:

    Is the white elephant impassible? We have some snow which is gumming up the works. Good luck with the job which I hope utilises your gifts.

  30. Just what exactly does everybody in this case say when these people call at the doorstep?

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