I am officially disappointed about the future.

I know people made a big deal about the year 2000 and all that, but as far as I am concerned, 2010 is much more ‘the future’ than 2000 ever was, and still there are no flying cars, robots that clean your house or domestic appliances that you can have a chat with.

It is depressing. As somebody who spent two years of his childhood genuinely thinking that I would be a starship commander when I grew up, frankly not having LP’s and being able to write ‘and your point is?’ at the bottom of Guardian articles is not the sort of progress that I envisaged.

I will be annoyed if there ARE flying cars, but they just haven’t reached Norfolk yet. It would be typical, and would make the proposed dualling of the A11 a complete white elephant. I have not been out of the county for some weeks now. For all I know, you could all be wearing lycra catsuits and spending your excess leisure time in the orgasmachamber.

The LTLP purses her lips in a ‘so you have finally got out of bed’ sort of way. I do consider forcing her into a lycra catsuit and whisking her off to the orgasmachamber, but she wants me to unload the dishwasher.

I unload the dishwasher, which does not comment.

2009 was an all right year for me. I know that it was pretty rubbish for some people. 2010 is shaping up to be interesting (despite lack of proper ‘future’ things (see above)) and I hope to keep you informed about this in the usual way. Firstly there will be details of the new job I got before Christmas, which sort of troughed and peaked, but is exactly the sort of high-powered role my talents have deserved.

Happy New Year everybody, and thanks for sticking around.

21 thoughts on “2010: Odyssey Two.

  1. tillylil says:

    Happy New Year

  2. Trying to guess the future is a mug’s game, Jonny, and so of course right up your street. Even the professionals can end up looking pretty silly. For example, Arthur C Clarke’s version of 2010 has the Soviet Union in it. But it also has Helen Mirren still being hot, so at least he got the important things right…

  3. LittleFeet says:

    Woohoo! Robots that clean your have been invented.

    I am in no way associated with this product, just a happy customer.

  4. LittleFeet says:

    Err, oops! I mean robots that clean your house have been invented

  5. Happy new year. We’re all flying our cars in Australia. It’s a bit hot here for lycra catsuits though.

  6. Megan says:

    You obviously didn’t watch Times Square New Year thingy which, I understand, featured a talking appliance doing the count down bit (with teeth and a toupee) and a person in a sparkly catsuit. I didn’t watch either but I do try to stay on top of things.

  7. spazmo says:

    Glad to hear about the improved employment situation, Jonny. If you’re fastidiously frugal, you should just be able to afford a domestic flying sexbot by the year 2027.

  8. They’re not built to fly, Spazmo – but the sight of Jonny in his bondage gear should be all the motivation they need to try.

  9. Zed says:

    Happy New Year, Jonny Bee. Of course there are robots that will clean your house. It just depends on which nationality you want them in – and at what price.

  10. JonnyB says:

    The LTLP has trodden in some Dog Shit!!! So 2010 has gone downhill already.

    Hullo Conor and Littlefeet, and welcome. Happy New Year.

  11. Jayne says:

    Littlefeet – I think you’ll find that those are more often used by cats to sit on so their easily amused owners can upload the subsequent video to Youtube. Am considering getting one myself.

    Am now going away to be quietly disturbed by the thought of lycra catsuits.

  12. Cinnamony Snicket says:

    Isn’t “LTLP” redundant? Please consider economising. “LP” would do nicely, thank you.

    And Happy New Year.

  13. guyana gyal says:

    Don’t worry JonnyB, one day, the big machine [that will stop] will soon rule the world.

    P.S. Our mini-buses fly.

    HAPPY 2010.

  14. Ceeej says:

    Just wondering, if we’ll be able to get flying sexbots by 2027 does that mean we should give a flying fu*k?

  15. Rufus S later says:

    “I will be annoyed if there ARE flying cars, but they just haven’t reached Norfolk yet.”

    Are you sure? How do you explain this then?

  16. JonnyB says:

    Flying tractors, Rufus. Completely different thing.

  17. john malpas says:

    Very interesting
    BUT –
    How are your chickens?

  18. Sam says:

    I’ve been wondering lately if the government have been using time travel technology to shape events – would we even know? That’s quite futurey. Istic.

  19. LJ says:

    I completely agree, totally disappointing – especially as I watched the Time Machine last week and their depiction of 2020 doesn’t give us long to invent flying cars/hologram librarians…

  20. Alan Robinson says:

    There are plenty of flying cars about, the problem is reverse.

    A belated “Happy New Year” to you and yours.

    Keep on potting.


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