We go to ‘Cooters’ – the official Dukes of Hazzard museum.

Across Tennessee. By Kia.

“Your mother will explain,” I tell the Toddler, as I leap down from the Kia.

“Googoogoogoogoothemdukesthemdooookes,” I add.

‘Cooters’ – the official Dukes of Hazzard museum is probably the best tourist attraction in all America. It has a full-size General Lee, and a full-size Daisy Duke jeep, and a full-size Cooter pick-up, and a full-size Hazzard County police car. You can sit in them all for ten dollars, in order to have your picture taken, or just stand beside them for free, which is what I doCooters.

“GoogoogooooFlash!googoohotpursuithotpursuit!” I say, as I am standing beside the police car.

There are all sorts of original scripts, and publicity posters, and life-size cut-outs of the cast. It really is a most educational resource. I am a bit disturbed, however, that there is no mention at all of Coy and Vance, who were the cousins of the original Duke boys who took over for a couple of series, suspiciously looking and acting exactly like the two original actors. Coy and Vance weren’t very good, but they do not deserve to be treated this way. They have been completely written out of history, like stunt-driving, moonshine-running Iain Duncan Smiths.

I stand for ages, viewing the historical artifacts and doing good impressions of Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane (played by James Best).

“Can we go now?” asks the LTLP.

She is still a bit cross about me accidentally buying a bottle of wine for $70, because I am not much good at working out money even when it is English. But she has a point. We still have the Gibson guitar factory to visit, and time is getting on.

The famous ’01’ car with the welded-shut doors is parked outside. I allow one last longing look before climbing into the Kia.

It’s time to go.

12 Comments

  1. I allow one last longing look before climbing into the Kia.

    Through the window, of course.

  2. Never mind the full-size Daisy Duke jeep – did they have a full-size Daisy Duke? When it comes to interactive museum exhibits, that’s the kind of ride that sets the gold standard in my book.

    Added bonus there for you, Jonny – I understand that Daisy has broadened somewhat in the beam with the passing years, as American women tend to do. Now that she’s more of an Ice Age icon than an Eighties one, with hips you could sledge on, even you might be in with a chance…

  3. A friend of mine once confided in me – a couple of weeks before his wedding – that he planned to have three kids and name them Bo, Luke, and Daisy.

    This friend of mine is now divorced.

    Just a cautionary tale, Jonny, in case you ever get tempted to start peppering your LTLP phone conversations with phrases like “Bo Peep, this is Lost Sheep, come in, over.”

  4. I’m beginning – just beginning to get a tiny bit suspicious about this holiday. No one could survive all this glamour and excitement. Particularly not with an LTLP who sounds surprisingly sane and intelligent.

  5. Megan,

    My thougts exactly. My wife would have killed me several days ago.

  6. Were Cletus and Enus there? … And why do they still sound slightly sniggery? I’m 42 now not 14.

  7. Been an off/on reader for years and don’t usually comment but as it’s christmas I have to say this…SOMEONE NEEDS TO RESCUE THIS WOMAN…I have read this series of posts with my hands over my face and rocking gently back and forth. It is very funny but social services or some form of support group need to get involved. It can’t continue like this.

    S.

    PS Jonny we still love you xxx

  8. I was going to make my own comment, but I don’t have to. Spup says it all. I hope at least the weather was nice….

  9. Perhaps the LTLP is a hostage. That would explain quite a bit.

  10. Stockholm has a lot to answer for…

  11. “Your mother will explain.”

    Hm, I see you’re starting early with that one.

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