It has a sauna!!!
I stare at it, agog. Granted, it is a bit more like a giant grill than the real thing, but its saunaness greatly exceeds anything that I had been expecting. This is brilliant.
“There’s a big fuck-off flat screen TV!!!” I exclaim gleefully, as the LTLP and Toddler trudge in with their bags. “Hang on – there’s a flat screen in my bedroom!!! All of our bedrooms!!! OMG OMG Wifi LOL LOL,” (I paraphrase).
This is the most excellent start to a holiday that I have ever had. Even the weather is better than expected. I love Center Parcs. Honestly, there is nothing, nothing at all that can put a downer on my mood right now.
“Where shall I put my bags?” asks my Mother-in-Law.
A small black cloud drifts across the sun.
“I have to apologise for him,” remarks the LTLP. “He is going to be in a foul mood later, as he can find nothing to complain about.”
But she is wrong I am in a state of holiday serenity as the LTLP organises wardrobe space and wrestles to get the oven on.
Later, the LTLP’s parents have to be pulled from the Subtropical Swimming Paradise by lifeguards, in front of a large throng of holidaymakers. The LTLP stomps up to me, her face like thunder, her swimming costume having been pulled off in the rescue attempt. But I am happily bobbing around on a lazy backstroke, a big smile on my face. Give me a few more tattoos and I could well become a regular here.
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