Bird watching.

Posted on by Alex

There was a dead starling on the gravel path in the back garden. I think it was a starling – I’m not much good at ornithology.

Even at my age this seems like something your dad should deal with. But seeing that he lives in Essex, it seemed unlikely that he’d notice it and take action.

In the end, I went out to Shed #1 for a spade. I carefully scooped it up, for some reason trying to give it as much dignity as possible, but its leg fell off and then I dropped it altogether so by the time I laid it to rest in the back field it was in a bit of a sorry state.

According to the news, they have found a new tenth planet. I’m sure I would have been thrilled about this as a kid, but as far as I recall, they’ve thought they’ve found tenth planets before several times. Plus, it seems unlikely that it will be full of exciting alien civilisations from 50’s sci fi.

They have already given it a name: ‘Sedna’. It strikes me that the cash-strapped world of space exploration has missed a trick here. ‘Planet Nike’ or even ‘McSedna’ would have been ok by me, and would have paid for a few more Beagles.

Lemons

Posted on by Alex

I had to throw away three lemons yesterday. They were soggy, skulking in the bottom of the fridge. This is all down to the LTLP’s refusal to think ahead and make proper plans as to what we will eat/drink for the rest of the week. When I shop it is far more organised.

I log on to Tesco.com. The lemons retailed at a value of £0.17 each, making a net loss of £0.51. This is unacceptable.

I am grumpy as Big A goes back to work today. It’s the end of an era, and means the end of our weekly games of Risk. Me and Short Tony turning up like kids, sticking the kettle on, checking out the scar on his leg and then settling down for four-hour strategy games – they were great times. Great times.

Just the three of us. It was like Last of the Summer Wine, although to be fair we’re a lot younger, nobody got pushed down a hill in a bathtub and there were generally more laughs.

It’s like the end of the school holidays.

This gives me one less excuse to avoid getting in new work.

Dogging action

Posted on by Alex

I am greatly excited by this new “dogging” craze sweeping the nation.

According to the paper, every third person in the UK is likely to be secretly engaging in dogging practices. They’re everywhere, these doggers. I stay alert as I walk to the village shop, to see if I can spot any in the undergrowth.

I rate the chances of getting the LTLP involved as next to zero. She’s not naturally outgoing and, even after many years of sharing and honesty, I’d still struggle to work “fancy driving down the park and getting drilled by three complete strangers?” into the breakfast conversation.

We’d also need to upgrade the Beetle to something a bit more practical, like the 4×4 that Woody’s just invested in. The pervert!!! This is obviously why so many people drive cars that are clearly too big for their legitimate needs.

The real thrill, however, has to be the near-certainty of running into a celebrity. It seems obvious that the public toilet/Clapham Common thing is now so much old hat – probably wouldn’t even make the papers. Dogging is the new cry for help! George Michael must feel terribly old-fashioned even in his new found philanthropy.

Friday morning = ‘Rubbadubbers’ = the best thing on TV, although this week’s episode wasn’t as good as the one set on the moon. Really, really wish I had under fives so I could tune in and not feel sad and pathetic.

Off to London. We’ll see if anybody tells me: “I had that Stan Collymore in the back of my cab, once”.

In which I am bemused about first-generation political blogging.

Posted on by Alex

Every other random blog I click on appears to be a ‘Blog for Bush’ site. Where have they all come from?!?

Initially I was quite excited by this, as I quite like her early stuff, particularly ‘Babooshka’.

A typical entry might go:

March 9th

A _letter_ in the West Oklahoma Express Mail blows the lid on the extent traitor Kerry negotiated with Viet Cong as recently as 1994, grandstanding with the enemy as more American families were being blown apart by… (etc).

This will be followed by a comment forum with entries like:

“Yeah! What you wont see on the LIBERAL MEDIA is fag ass kerry 1987 voted against bill that would have stopped monkeys SODOMISING american kids and this man claims to stand for justice it makes you laugh if it wasnt so sick.”

?!?! As a normal, relaxed, laid back bloke, I find the whole phenomenon just really odd. There’s clearly a massive cultural gulf here between the countries.

That is, American morons are interested in politics, whereas British morons are just interested in football and lager and programmes presented by Steve Penk.

I can’t work out what I prefer. These bush blogs are quite cute, in a sort of student-politics-bless-them-it’s-nice-that-they-get-involved-roll-your-eyes sort of way. I just don’t get people that are so utterly convinced they’re right and so utterly convinced the other fellow is the Antichrist. This goes for any blogs for Kerry sites as well, if they exist, before Bush fans start ganging up with the dog owning extremists.

Whereas you do wish that British morons would at least take more of an interest. If I get time, I might set up an equivalent over here: ‘Bloggers for Charles Kennedy’. I need to think of a better name.

I know quite a lot about foreign policy, through my regular games of Risk, and will investigate further this afternoon, having a long session arranged with Short Tony and Big A.