Things that have kept me away from the computer – #1 in a series of 945722572.
Wee lakes, gathering in the shallow depressions on the leather sofa. Wee cascading down onto the floor, first a waterfall then a steady drip, drip, drip. Pools of wee on the oak floorboards, reflecting the light of the TV screen in a mirror of wee; finding the gaps and joins in the wood with unerring wee accuracy.
Wee on my hands, wee on my socks. Small trousers soaked in wee, pants that comprise 23% pant and 77% wee. Tiny footprints of wee dotting the parts of the floor that are otherwise weeless. The ‘Review’ bit of the newspaper boasting a new ‘wee’ section, a golden-showered dolly with a glistening leg of wee, drips of wee in a dvd case, fingermarks of wee on the coffee table.
“I’ve done a wee, daddy,” explains the Toddler.
Between the cushions on the sofa is a large crack where biscuit crumbs and other assorted food collects. This now contains an interesting looking type of wee soup, which is particularly resistant to my efforts with the kitchen roll. I have used up so much kitchen roll in the past two weeks that ‘Bounty’ are going to present me with an award. Outstanding contribution to the kitchen roll market.
As far as I can tell, being a Toddler is like being pissed all the time – you occasionally walk into things, you come out with odd sentence constructions, and although you’re desperately apologetic when you wee yourself, you’re not actually much practical help in clearing it up. I chuck the dripping clothes in the washing machine, which gives me a ‘not again’ type look. The awards people from Persil phone.
I am not sure that I am very good at the father business thing. I am rubbish on the patience front, and I am too selfish to happily spend my life doing things to benefit other people. Oddly enough, the wee-clearing-up thing is no problem, however. Sometimes things are so spectacularly ghastly that you get a kick out of sorting them out.
I zip upstairs for new clothes. Most of the wee is mopped, courtesy of Bounty. I will check later on, and go over any sticky bits with some cleaning stuff. The Toddler is happy.