I ordered Sky TV.

Things that have kept me away from the computer – #2 in a series of 945722572.

“Are you sure?” I demanded of Man in Call Centre. “Are you absolutely, totally, 100%, cast-iron, definite, there-can-be-no-mistake sure?”

I received a leaflet from Sky TV. Normally, I throw all leaflets in the recycling bin straight away, since the postman has said that he is not allowed to do this. I do not know why I looked at this leaflet, which promised free Sky TV for three months with no obligations at all whatsoever, and £50 worth of M&S vouchers. There is not an M&S in the Village, but there is no reason why I shouldn’t travel to one, and the vouchers might come in handy for ‘Things that have kept me away from the computer #4’ (to be announced). I looked at the leaflet.

I read the small print. I read it again, and asked the LTLP about it. I held it up to the light to see if the word ‘NOT!!!’ was in very faint writing after the explanation. I looked up ‘sky tv offer +scam +ripoff +I will find r murdoch and punch his face’ on the google – nothing was to be found.

I ordered Sky TV. It is one of those things like book clubs, where they take your details and rely on you forgetting to cancel, so it is free for a bit then will cost one million grillion pounds per month. But I will not forget to cancel, as I have written it in the diary, written it in the other diary, written it on the LTLP’s Blackberry, written it physically on the leaflet and put the leaflet in the ‘day to day’ file that I look in daily, sent an email to myself with ‘DON’T FORGET TO CANCEL’, created a blog post that will appear automatically the day before cancellation date, set an online calendar thing to pop up and told Short Tony, Big A, and all the readers of my private secret diary ie you.

I will cancel it as I am not actually that interested in Sky TV. As far as I can tell, unless you want to watch the women’s senior matchplay golf in North Dakota or ‘Inside their minds: America’s worst sex offenders’, there is not much on there apart from Frasier every night and some good cricket every now and again. I do not really watch much television. I am just having my free offer because I can.

I have been trying to find new hobbies and interests that don’t involve sitting at the PC being a dweeb, and I am not sure that Sky TV is anything other than a bit of a cul-de-sac. I will give it a chance. But I do not think that it is the new ‘getting chickens’.

30 Comments

  1. dweeb?! dweeb?! are you from ‘Saved by the Bell’? which incidently is on every day on sky.

  2. So THAT’S where we send our excess television. Seems you get all those that creaked on for so long we can’t leave episodes just lying around untidily as there would then be no room for really important things like CSI: Now From Fresno! or Legal Hotties – No Really, This One is Different. As a balance however we have for years been relieving you of endless half hours of Are You Being Served. I suppose it’s only fair.

  3. Do they not save the really crap stuff for freebies? Is the new Gladiators any good?

  4. I heard on the news a few days ago that a pub in Norfolk now allows the punters to pay with eggs from their chickens. (And vegetables from the back garden.) I suppose it couldn’t possibly be your local, could it? That would be too lucky. How are the chickens?!

  5. Ring up Murdoch and offer him 10 eggs a month, or maybe 15 eggs if he throws sky sports in.

    Don’t be fobbed off with Eurosport though as I believe that comes free in promotional yoghurt pots these days.

  6. I read about that pub in Norfolk – wasn’t it in the paper, or on the bbc site? The first thing I thought was: ‘oh dear, they really, really didn’t want to let the food standards licensing people know that’.

    I have not seen the new Gladiators thing, although there is quite a bit of local pride as one of the new Gladiators is from round this way and obviously it is good to have somebody on a leading TV show.

    They have sent me a magazine. I can win tickets to see the new Noel Edmonds show being filmed!!!

  7. Four words:

    ‘Dogg the Bounty Hunter’.

    Pure televisual platinum-plated gold. In the rich pantheon of crap TV, Dogg scores a perfect 10.

    Have at least four pints and settle back to watch his bemulleted-bounty-hunting Awesomeness.

    http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/dog1.jpg

  8. They’ll probably make you give a month’s notice, so you have to pay for a month you don’t even want. Then they’ll forget and you’ll find the amounts still being debited from your account. Or is it just virgin that do that?

    Anyway, my solution – buy a wii. Awesome. I am becoming the most useless human being on the planet, but I’m crack shot with a pretend crossbow.

  9. Frasier every day would be worth the fee. Glad to see you covered all of the don’t-forget-to-cancel bases.

  10. You forgot to stick a post-it to the fridge with a charming legume magnet. Or a charming chicken magnet. THAT would be covering all the don’t-forget-to-cancel bases.

  11. Speaking of chickens – one of ours died of the wobbly leg thing the other day. I don’t know if it was the same wobbly leg thing that yours had, but it was equally fatal.

    I just thought you would like to know.

  12. I know sommeone who went for one of these offers once. She fell off a cliff and exploded.

    Seriously. Everyone who signs up to Sky falls off a cliff and explodes. Fact. It says it on the internet somewhere.

  13. Sorry for the double-m in ‘someone’. My cat is sitting between the lamp and the keyboard and I can’t see a blimmin’ thing.

  14. It must be the people who try to cancel after their free period has ended that explode, Murdoch’s group is a very sinister and shadowy organisation.

  15. You haven’t told us the actual date that you need reminding of though.

  16. Will we never learn?
    THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH!

  17. “I have been trying to find new hobbies and interests that don’t involve sitting at the PC being a dweeb…”

    Yeah, that’s it, Jonny – it’s all the computer’s fault.

  18. And when you do cancel you will be inundated with ‘Come Back and Join us’ rubbish for years to come.

  19. Bowls, snooker, chickens and now this. Are you sure you don’t have ADD?

  20. richard: that amount of zippiness between interests would be AD*H*D. ADD would be bowls …. ……… …. bowwllzzz …. he he ……… what was i doing? ……….. …. oh look it’s 2008 already.

  21. You will forget to cancel won’t you?

    You owe it to us.

  22. Damian: Did you shoot the poor chicken too?

  23. I’m thinking ‘The Whales’ has somethin’ there JB. Why not take up the growing of vegetables, in your back garden?

  24. Oh the joy of being able to pause the tv when the phone rings/you want a cup of tea/you need to go to the loo. It’s like magic!

  25. Hate to mention it, but I didn’t want sky either and five years later its still here! BTW, sky are one of the worst companies to deal with so I wish you luck when you try and cancel it! It’s bound to go wrong, but I think you’ll keep it and then get sky plus!!!! it just goes on and on and on, LOL!

  26. Am I right in thinking Sky’s big thing is sport? If so I’ll pass.

  27. You forgot to cancel didn’t you?

  28. Hmmm, what’s the equivalent of Sky in the states, for reference? Can’t get a clue from the website….

    Anyway, I only watch local news, Friends, Frasier and Everybody loves Raymond (which seems to be on TBS continuously) and old Hollywood movies on Turner Classic Movies.

    Oh, wait. Did I just admit to watching that much cable? Hmmm, dweeb might apply to me too, er, me only, I mean.

  29. Oh, sorry, I meant to write, ‘what’s the equivalent of Sky in the states, for reference, from anyone who might actually care?’

  30. Hullo Fat Roland and welcome!!!

    The thing is that I sort of didn’t mention the date on the blog post cos this was some time ago – er – well – it was a couple of months or so – I’ve sort of lost track…

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