My ham has disappeared!!!

I went to the shop. I didn’t buy many things at all, but I know I bought some ham. I know I bought some ham in particular because it was to be the centrepiece ingredient for my lunch (ham sandwich), but I got home and there was no ham.

I won’t go into too much detail about the ham as I do not really ‘do’ personal stuff in this journal (but it was ‘off the bone’ if you must know. That is all you are getting, however.)

I sifted through the shopping bag about 27 times, then went and searched the boot of the car, but there was still no ham. It had gone missing in mysterious circumstances and whilst it might seem a trivial thing to some people, if you do not ask questions about things like this then the next minute you have ID cards and are executing people at age 30 unless they escape with Jenny Agutter.

I don’t know why but this got to me a bit. I have not been getting much sleep lately and this had a last strawness-air about it; my life does not need complications such as missing ham, and I felt an air of despair about the situation. I wanted to run out into the street and shout ‘Help! Help! Help!’

The thing about running into the street and shouting ‘Help! Help! Help!’ is that essentially it is a cry for help. I tried to pull myself together. Then I searched the shopping bag again, but the ham was still absent. Then I got into the car and tried to start it in order to park, but nothing was in the right place and I couldn’t get the key in, until I realised that I was in the passenger seat.

At this point I decided that I had better retreat indoors and sit down. Life is quite complicated at the moment, and I do not need extra things to make it more so. (missing ham, see above).

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