My wall has been flattened!!!

The LTLP admitted she ‘may have scraped it’ on backing the car into the drive.

I go outside to investigate. It looks as if it has been caught in a collision between an articulated lorry and Matthew Le Tissier.

I shake my head. At this point it would be a cheap shot to have a go at ‘woman drivers’ etc, but actually it is a fact that they are much safer than men drivers and have fewer accidents. I think this is probably because we listen to proper driving music in the car, whereas they have Dido, Norah Jones etc, which makes them go slower.

Plus, some hard core male drivers get themselves illegal back-street lobotomies, so they can enjoy BBC’s popular ‘Top Gear’ programme on the television.

I didn’t like the wall much – it was architecturally undistinguished – but I did prefer it to what I have now, which is ‘some bricks’. I pick some pieces out of the street and sort of balance them on top of each other to create a temporary wallette. The kerb appeal of the house is not restored.

I put ‘rebuild the wall’ on my list of DIY jobs to do in the spring. It will be exciting. I have never built a wall before, and I am eager to give it a go.