I have not been on holiday for ages and ages.
I mean, a real holiday. To somewhere exotic, abroad. You know when you are abroad because they have separate money and do things differently at breakfast time. I went to Fakenham market the other week, but aside from that I have missed the thrill of adventure.
But with the global financial crisis and climate change, it is clear that it is no longer possible for a conscientious Westerner to take a simple holiday. ‘Philantholidays’ are now very popular in metropolitan circles, combining travel and relaxation with doing some good for the indigenous population.
Around Quebec. With Pants.
For the next three weeks or so, I shall be exploring part of Canada with the LTLP and Toddler. I shall also be taking all my old pants that the LTLP has been having a go at me for ages to get rid of, wearing them for one last time, and then leaving them for anybody who wants them. They are good pants, well-looked after and comfortable, and my hope is that they will find a good home amongst the Quebeccis.
I did this when I travelled round New Zealand and, although I received no actual feedback from pants recipients, I am sure that they brought someone, somewhere some relief. Recycling is not some ‘middle class’ option in today’s society – it is a duty for all of us. Having purchased some new pants, I have once more fallen into the trap of the consumer society – and this is one way of giving something back.
I will be doing my pants relief mission merely for the simple pleasure of charity. I do not seek or expect a book deal, although it strikes me that it would make an ideal paperback in the Dave Gorman/Tony Hawks vein, probably retailing at £7.99 and pushed heavily in the 3 for 2 promotions.
Writer away, due to pants project (above); competition.
The world changed post-9/11, and people do not want guest blogging. Private Secret Diary™ will resume next month. In the meantime, I will be launching a small competition from which readers can win something. That will keep things interesting.
Having struggled to think of a good idea for a competition, I have settled on this. The winner will be the reader who can think of the best idea for a competition, and come up with the most suitable prize. You will need to explain why your idea for competition/prize is the best. The entry judged the best/most inventive/funniest etc will win a prize of my choosing.
How to enter; unneccessary sub-heading for typographic reasons.
I am closing comments this evening, as there are nutters on the Internet. So you must enter via the Bizarre Appreciation Society on Facebook.
With respect to all its members, who are mad, the discussion forums have been a bit moribund on there recently, and I have been disappointed in the lack of society merchandise/club trips/special events/organised guest speakers on there. So it would be good to gee it on a bit.
As I am too dignified to join my own Appreciation Society, or even to publicise its existence, the first person to get over there will have to set up a discussion, or whatever you do in these things.
Terms and conditions
The judge’s decision (me) is final. If you post here under a secret name but are on facebook under a normal name then do not worry as I will not know your secret name/normal name link and would not tell anyone if I did. If you are not on Facebook then you should join, it is really good and I reckon will be big in the future – get a grandchild to help you set up an account if needed. Prize will be posted anywhere in the world, from the Post Office. Winners agree to take part in any publicity material that may ensue from press interest etc. Writers of Private Secret Diary (me) are not eligible.
Around Quebec. With Pants.
On my return I shall, of course, provide incisive travelogue about my experiences. From Norfolk to Canada – one of the world’s great journeys. Who will I meet? How will I cope with a simpler pace of life?
As I type, the Jehovah’s Witnesses have just called. It is time to leave the country. Quebec – here we come. So goodbye for a bit… or should I say ‘auf wiedersehen’…?