Boos ring out around the Village Pub.

“What…? What…?” I ask crossly. “That is what it says here. ‘What is the largest port in Basra? Iraq. I am merely reading what it says on the sheet.”

“Basra is in Iraq!”

“Yes but for all I know, Basra could also be some – some historic regional area or something. For which Iraq is the chief port. Like in… er well there is ‘Washington’ the state and ‘Washington’ the city. And the place on Tyneside,” I add, helpfully.

There is more booing. Neil, who is wearing a suit and has therefore been drafted in to help me read the quiz, suggests we skip this question. I gesture frantically to the Foxy Barmaid for another free pint of beer. We move to a controversy about chromosomes.

“There are twenty-three pairs,” I insist. “It says so on the sheet.”

“Thirty two!”

“There are not thirty-two. I mean – I know you’re from Norfolk…”

“We’ll accept thirty-two,” concedes Neil. He is weak. The LTLP and Mrs Short Tony, who also does science, glare at us. I realise that I have drunk half of my free pint already. I wave at the Foxy Barmaid to be ready for the next one.

The next question is in French. This throws me a bit. The following one is in Italian, which I am more comfortable with as it is ‘names of pizzas’. I place my empty glass under the pump in order to be helpful.

“Thanks for your help tonight,” the Well-Spoken Barman offers at the end. I reply that I enjoyed it very much but would perhaps not want to do it every time. Somebody approaches me to play the banjo at the Church Fete next year.


  1. Let me be one of the first to welcome you to your new place. Your lack of comments will not help with your google rankings, obviously. I have encountered a few phrases over the years that are guaranteed to bring in droves of new visitors. Jose Mourinho Haircut is one as is Sophie Ellis Bextor naked. There are several more but this should serve as a start.

  2. Actually, I am a typographer in training.

    So naaaah.

  3. I’m not a fan of change, but apparently I get to comment all over again about the same post.


  4. It’s a boring blog, and the template is nothing to get worked up about. You are a vicious nolife bully.

  5. Haha!!! Hullo fjl and welcome – not easily bullied though, I’m afraid.

  6. I thought Basra was a port, but then I also thought that Copenhagen was in Finland right up until half an hour before my flight, when I tried to buy Finnigs or whatever it is they have in Finland.

  7. Hey! Basra is a port! Do not mess with my geographically challenged mind.

  8. Speaking of banjos, I just got back from the land of “Deliverance.”

    T-shirts are sold there, in the state of Georgia, by the banks of the Chattahoochee, which state, “Paddle Faster! I hear banjo music!”

    I’m just saying, if you should ever decide to visit the Georgia Blown-eyed Blogmeet, you may want to leave the banjo at home. But bring the trivia. We won’t boo you.

  9. I would leave the banjo at home as I would probably have to buy it a ticket. Or they would not let it on board in case I was al-qaida and was planning to banjo at the crew.

  10. It’s no good you hiding in here, the tax man will still find you and take 40% of your privates.

  11. No, but you like joining in with bullying others. And btw my blog is not deleted. It has briefly been taken out of the bullies playground. I have never had anything to do with you.

    Piss off out of my web life/life please.

  12. Sorry, Felicity. Wrong target this time.

  13. Jonny,

    You are too funny. I have to follow you to the new site as I couldn’t miss a “day in the pub followed by nappy cleanup”.

  14. Why thank you Idgie!!!

Comments are closed