I confront the Methodical Builder!!!

“So,” I begin, in my best this-is-going-to-be-an-important-sentence way. “Are we still definitely on course for June?”


“June. We will still be finished at the end of June.”

“July. End July.”


“Ah, well. There’s just been a bit of slippage, but July definitely.”

“So we’re back by two months now.”

“June to July? One month.”

“It was May originally.”

“No, June. Always June.”

“You said six months.”

“Yes – six months. June.”

“December, January, February, March, April, May.” I count the months out on my finger, like a child, reciting each month out clearly and precisely.

“Ah, anyway – end July. End July will be fine.”

“It’s just that I need to tell Narcoleptic Dave when he can have his house back. I need to do that. And also they have forgotten what I look like in the Village Pub. And it would be quite nice if you could repair Short Tony’s garden as well. So July. Definitely July.”

“July. Yes. Tell your landlord July.”

Twenty minutes later I am standing in what remains of my back garden, happily surveying the hive of activity as the ‘lads’ beaver away. There are people on the roof, in the cottage, outside mixing cement.

“It’s great seeing so many people working away,” I remark to the Methodical Builder.

“Yes, well we shall have to press on if we are going to get it finished by July.”