I have got fat!!!

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in a ladies’ clothes shop. (I was in there with the LTLP, I need to point out that I was not buying ladies clothes for myself at all in there, as that is less confidential than doing it over the internet).

A sickening mass of blubber drooped over my belt, thrusting my tee shirt away from my body like a flared shade on an obese standard lamp that walks around and lives in Norfolk and has a widely-read Internet Web Log. I couldn’t believe how this had crept up on me.

The shop assistants were pointing and whispering about my fatness, so I sort of breathed in and folded my arms to make it go away.

My recent incapacitation meant that I did not do any exercise for several weeks, and it transpired that I had put on just over nine pounds in weight. No wonder I was huffing and sweating wherever I walked – it was just as if I was carrying a Victoria Beckham stuffed up my shirt. We lollopped through the shopping centre sadly.

The LTLP was less than sympathetic. She is at the stage where rather than looking ‘pregnant’ she looks ‘quite fat’ and her first reaction was that she didn’t want to be seen out with me in case people thought that we had met via a specialist dating agency. In my demoralisation and despair this was not what I needed to hear, and I went into a bit of a sulk for a bit.

People have this lazy image of the fat community as being jovial, happy-go-lucky characters. That is a stereotypical generalisation.

Really we are all hurting inside.