The past weekend’s events made me question our values as a society.

Acres of newspaper coverage in tabloid and broadsheet. Photographs. Background. Commentary. People going on and on about it on the telly.

And ploughing through it, what I’d like to know is:

What, precisely, is so wrong about punching Keiron Dyer in the face?

Due to recent sad events RE His Holiness the Pope, this will be a specially extended column, relegating village news to about two minutes at the end.

Here is a link to some sombre music.

I watched the news about him. I wasn’t particularly a fan of the Pope, but I do not wish to speak ill of the dead, and his wife and kids are probably upset. They showed a Cardinal breaking the news to the crowd in St Peter’s Square, although I’m sure even now someone is writing a pretentious article about bloggers uncovering the story first.

I hope they have a crematorium bigger than we had for my Auntie Margery, otherwise some people will have to wait outside. She had a Humanist person presiding, which was lovely, but I expect they will want to do it themselves. It will be easier.

A man explained how they choose a new Pope. I am no expert, but it seems to me that this runs counter to every employment law in the book. They should advertise it externally and try executive search before trying to fix it up with their favoured internal candidate. It is ripe for a legal challenge.

They could run assessment centres for the candidates. In the morning they would have to do things like in-tray exercises and psychometric tests, then in the afternoon there would be a group exercise with all the prospective Popes pretending to be on a desert island and having to role-play their way off it.

There could be an on-line application form. It’d be great.

The newsreader took us back to Rome, for the latest developments at the Vatican. But he was still dead.

Then after the news, the local news. “Catholics in Lincolnshire…” began the announcer.

In other news:

The Village Shop was closed!!!

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