We decide to buy a sheep.

The economics of this are sound:

Four legs of organic lamb plus lots of lamb chops plus two shoulders plus belly, neck and all the other funny bits = lots of money;

A whole sheep = £78

I speak to the man, and he assures me that it will come already dead and shorn and stuff, and he will even cut it up into the various appropriate joints (see above).

Otherwise it would look odd in the freezer, and would be awkward to get in the oven.

Plus, I will be sharing it with Short Tony, and I didn’t fancy having to saw it in half myself, like some dead and skinned ovine Debbie McGee. I am still trying to work out what gives me the best deal – if I should take the front half or the back half, or split it sideways down the middle.

Presumably, I get slightly more if I get the side with the heart. If anybody knows which side this is then I would be grateful to know. I don’t actually like those offally bits but there is a principle at stake. Plus I guess it would come in useful if I ever want to build a monster.

(Note to local readers – I do not necessarily want to build a monster, it would just be nice to have the option. Plus you should never rule anything out in life. If anybody wishes to donate their body to me then that would be useful.)