I have some raffle tickets to sell. For the village fete.

Would anybody like one?

The prize is £50. Then wines and spirits. ‘And other good prizes’.

They are 20p each, and I will be operating an honesty box system.

That is, leave a comment here if you’d like one. Then, the next time you go into a shop with a charity box, drop 20p in there and you will have paid for your ticket.

I will know if you have not paid, as I will tell from the writing style of your future comments, using my Derren Brown-like powers.

In the meantime, I will pay for your ticket at this end. And then, when one of my readers wins, I will send them the £50 minus what I have paid for everybody’s tickets. That seems fair. I’m not made of money you know.

If a reader wins one of the subsidiary prizes, we will come to an amicable arrangement. Probably this will involve me drinking it, or doing whatever one does with another ‘good prize’. I will then post an amusing story about it, which will be worth far more.

Nothing can go wrong. Leave your pledges below. One ticket only per person.

I will be on holiday next week. I haven’t quite decided where yet, but I’ll find somewhere nice.

In my absence, this blog will be guest-edited by Salvadore Vincent. Salvadore is an old friend of mine, and a genuine real writer off the telly an’ that. He did a few days on Unluckyman recently but this is the big time now, so please support him and leave lots of nice comments.