People who bought me a birthday present:

• The in-laws (2 soft rock guitar tab books/hand-knitted jumper)
• Generous friends (decanter)
• My mum and dad (2 pairs of pants, sizes XL and L)
• Ms Jones (Internet fridge (awaiting delivery))
• The Cheerful Builder (bottle of wine)
• My grandmother (paying for future services of piano delivery man)

People who did not buy me a birthday present:

• The LTLP (unable to find suitable purchase)
• My sister (‘to follow’)
• Rest of family (live abroad therefore excused)
• Everybody else in world (do not know me/do know me but did not know it was my birthday/do not like me enough to buy me a birthday present/are imaginary internet people/live abroad therefore excused)