Whatever you want.

It’s a cold evening. “Laydeeees and Gentulllmen!!!” hollers the man through the microphone. The field descends into hush. I am in a crowd of about three grillion people, which is most definitely not my natural habitat. I have also been persuaded to drive here so that other people can get…

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We tidy our bedroom.

“There you go,” I tell the LTLP. We have spent all morning tidying our bedroom. It has been a good joint effort, with me sorting things out that should be moved, whilst she lifts them up and carries them down the stairs. “One room,” she insists. “One room. That’s all…

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Free Kindle/ebook – help yourself

A quick aside of a promotional nature – the ebook version of Sex and Bowls and Rock and Roll is available free of charge now for a limited period (probably just ’til the end of next week). Thank you to HarperCollins for arranging that. So if you want something to…

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First day at Brownies.

“Go on,” I urge her. “You will enjoy it.” It is Child #1’s first day at brownies. I have been encouraging her to go, as it will make her community spirited, being selfless and a good citizen and all that. I am quite into that at the moment, ever-striving to…

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Snooker #2.

“Where’s Short Tony?!?” demands the Chipper Barman. I sigh. “He has had to drop out,” I explain. “Due to some unpleasantness.” There is a brief conversation whilst I go over Short Tony’s situation. The atmosphere in the car becomes subdued. We are on our way to the final snooker fixture…

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Snooker #1.

The snooker reached its nadir when Marky shat himself at the Crucible. “The thing was,” he told us some time later, “they don’t let you out of your seat until the frame has finished. So I’m sitting there in real distress, like. And I’m waiting, desperate to bomb it out…

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Epilogue.

“Are you staying for one more?” asks the Very Well Spoken Barman. I ponder this, from the comforting womb of my barstool. It is getting late, and I suspect that it is best not to. Short Tony is at home, with the lurgee. Big A has long-departed, as has Len…

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I host a child’s birthday party.

There is a knock at the door!!! “There you go,” I say to Child #1 as I reach for the handle. “It sounds as if the first of your friends has arrived.” There is a loud whooshing noise. Seconds later I am scraping myself off the carpet and staring behind…

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My crisps have arrived!!!

I open the box in some excitement. I have been sent some exclusive crisps by a Public Relations company. As a key influencer within the online internet sphere, I am regularly offered free products to try, namely and in total – since this Private Secret Diary started in 2004 –…

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