Testing 1-2-3. Is this thing on?

I am sorry that I have not written for a while. I will do so shortly. Promise. (Or threat, depending on how you see it).

Creake Abbey market

A rare personal appearance if you’re in Norfolk and want to pop along…

Pork pies

Some pork pies, yesterday.

I’ll be at the market at Creake Abbey tomorrow morning (6 November) in a dual role – firstly helping the Pie Lady (from page 151) to sell her delicious pork pies; secondly to sign a few books for Christmas. It will be, as far as we are aware, retail’s first ‘book and pork pie’ stall.

And whereas Tony Blair wanted armed guards for his book appearances, we are hoping to work out some sort of ‘book and pie’ joint deal, which is far more civilised. Honestly, had we have been in charge, Iraq would have never happened.

If you’re in the vicinity, hope to see you there…

Weekend round up thing

I prepare for a photoshoot!!!

Somebody is coming round tomorrow to take photographs of me, for an Important Newspaper Feature. It is exciting, and I am planning to spend today worrying about what to wear. I am hoping that I won’t be put under any pressure to don deeply, deeply unfashionable shoes, as I wish to retain my dignity and artistic integrity. But if they order me to then I will, because it might sell a book.

I shall post a report soon. Until then, here are three things…


I have been meaning for ages to link to Idiot Johnson’s E.P. Under the ridiculous assumed name of ‘Tim,’ Idiot has been reading and commenting here since the very very very early days; we’ve been in regular correspondence, and he has sent me regular MP3 files – I have been helping him out with some musical and production consultancy by telling him stuff like ‘yes, they are very good’ and things. Anyway, Idiot actually visited the Village during the summer, met Short Tony, and was present at an unfortunate golf cart/chicken owner accident. Go listen to the songs – they are seriously good (particularly the title track).


I have received a postcard from the Snailr project!!! This is Anna Pickard’s record of her esotericSnailR 1 trip around the USA – I like to think that this was in part inspired by my own esoteric trip round the USA last year, despite the fact that she lives in the USA and had said to me previously ‘I am going to do an esoteric trip.’ Anna is – without question – the most frighteningly, frighteningly talented writer I know, and I was looking forward to her poetic and moving descriptive reportage of the American panorama. Anyway, I have scanned in her postcard here. The best thing about having a blog has undoubtedly been getting to know people like Anna. (And, of course, some nutters as well, but you take the rough with the smooth.)


And finally, there is an interview with me at Caroline Smailes’s site (if you haven’t seen it already.) I’ve kind of been in awe of Caroline since I read Like Bees to Honey and I was a bit blown away when I met her over the summer to discover that she’d heard of me and liked my writing, plus her bazongas were just about to fall out of her dress, so short of offering me chips and introducing me to Leonard Cohen it was basically my dream fantasy meeting. The competition that ran with the interview is now closed, but Brom went and won it, and he’s also been a reader here for a grillion years, so that worked out nicely.


That is all for now. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I have had my hair done especially and am trying to work out the correct moody yet available expression.

Private Secret Personal Appearances.

A couple of dates for your private secret diaries…

If you’re in or around Norfolk:

I’ll be at Waterstone’s, King’s Lynn on Saturday 7 August between 11.00-1.00 , signing books and generally saying ‘hullo’ to people. I know it’s a big county – but if you’re within striking distance then do pop in and introduce yourself. The shop’s in Norfolk Street, right in the town centre.

Even if you’ve already bought a book, pop in anyway and buy somebody else’s book, and I’ll sign that instead. My mother-in-law has already embarrassed me outside the shop by shouting ‘looklooklook that is your book in the window oh lord and a thing with your name on and everything look look everybody why are you running away?’

If you’re in or around London:

I’ll be at the George in Great Portland Street on Saturday 24 July from 3pm onwards. (Lord! Next Saturday! Details and map here.) This is not a signing books thing; nor is it a big deal sort of do; it is just me going to the pub. There will hopefully be some other interesting bloggers/Private Secret Diary readers/friends of mine there as well. The chickens cannot make it.

If you’re in the area and want to come in, say ‘hullo’ and have a pint then please do! Bring a friend if intimidated. Of course also I will sign anything you want, probably with greater and greater enthusiasm as the afternoon wears on. I don’t get out much.

Enjoy your weekends and I hope to see you there…