There are about 1000000 seats in the shop. I ask for some help.
Child car safety seats are the things that most make me want to walk up to the gates of parliament and set myself on fire. (Apart from light bulbs). You are not allowed to put a child in a car without one of these, even if you are just going to the Village Shop, driving really slowly due to snow and ice etc.
Whereas when I was a little boy I was used to being happily driven down the motorway whilst standing up between the front seats, my head poking out of the sun roof. It is how I gained the knowledge of road conditions etc. that has served me so well as a driver. Plus, when I used to play football for the cubs, the manager would stuff the whole team into the back of his Hillman Imp estate. With the car seats law, there is only room for two children, meaning that 5.5 more car journeys are required; it thus logically follows that car seats actually cause 5.5 times more deaths on the road than before.
It is an example of our crazed lawmakers completely failing to think things through.
All the car seats seem very expensive. I ask the lady for advice.
“I am a bit unclear as to the law,” I say. “Is it the case that I could just sit her on some form of booster seat, or box, or whatever – or do I still have to buy one of the big padded things.”
She shakes her head sadly before her reply. “There has been some recent research that shows that children who do not sit in an expensive padded seat are 183475 times more likely to die or have a major disfiguring injury that will make you ashamed, should you have an accident. There are so-called ‘booster’ seats, but they are mainly made in Eastern Europe or by Toyota and they are likely to make the seat-belt garrotte the child. I believe that was the sort of seat used by dimwitted fake child-abductee mother Mrs Karen Matthews before her arrest,” she says. (I paraphrase).
“Oh,” I reply.
I study the features of the expensive chairs a bit more, before buying a black one, as it matches the paintwork. The Toddler seems happy with my choice. The lady seems happy with my choice. I drive home at excessive speed, because she is safe.