I rely on neighbourly neighbourliness.

There is a crisis in the kitchen!!!

I search the fridge in some agitation. Milk is nowhere to be seen. Without milk I am unable to make tea, and without making tea I will be unable to drink it.

My search is fruitless, and also pointless as I know very well that we have no milk. I used the last of the milk a while back, whilst making tea. And I have forgotten to go to the Village Shop to replace it. Boooooooo – we have no milk!!! Life is not good after all, what with not having any milk. Boooooooo!!!

The nearest milk is a six-mile round trip away. I really do not want to drive six miles for a single pint of milk.

I stomp into the lounge. “Do we need anything else from the shop?” I demand of the LTLP. We rack our brains. Driving six miles for a single item is ludicrous, and would be bad for the environment. But if we needed two items then that would make the trip a bit more worthwhile, and be only half as bad for the environment. We cannot think of a single extra thing we need aside from the milk.

I swallow my pride.

“Iwasjustwondering,” I mumble, as Short Tony answers the door, “ificouldborrowabitofmilk.”

“Again,” I add, a little shamefacedly.

Short Tony gracefully assents to my request. “Good oh!” I exclaim, bringing out a large jug from behind my back.

Milk!!! We have some milk!!! Thanks to the generosity and good-spiritedness of our neighbours, I will be able to make a nice cup of tea!!!

There are no teabags.

I stare, boggle-eyed at the teabag tin. No matter how hard I look, it remains a nothingness void of teabags. I grip the tin in astonishment and fury; astonishment because clearly this is a particularly annoying time to discover a lack of teabags; fury because I now distinctly recall using the last teabag for the same cup of tea for which I used the last of the milk (see above). The LTLP is unimpressed.

“Are you SURE we don’t need anything else from the shop?” I demand. I really do not want to do a six-mile round trip just for one item (teabags). If I required two items (eg, teabags and milk) then it might be worthwhile, but that journey for a single item would be ludicrous.

“Thankyoueversomuch,” I mumble at Mrs Big A, as she hands over teabags. “I would have gone next door again. But I was a bit embarrassed.”

I take my kindly donated teabags. I have to hurry past Short Tony’s house on my way back. I sort of cover my face with my hands so he won’t see me and come out and call me an idiot.

35 Comments

  1. I feel your pain. We are presently out of skimmed milk which I drink – my husband food shops – but we would never ever be out of tea, in any shape or form, as my husband is a tea addict. Oh well half skimmed on the muesli then and inches on the hips.

  2. It’s for just this reason that I gave up milk in tea and coffee decades ago. I will not be ruled by the tyranny of the milk jug. I can’t imagine running out of tea. I’ve got at least six spare boxes of tea in the cupboard.

  3. The milk thing: stick a pint in the freezer for an emergency. You can thaw it out and when thawed it’s useable as per normal.

    The tea-bag thing: get yourself organised and stop wingeing. 🙂

  4. A real neighbor would have gone round to his neighbors saying, “I have to go into town for some milk and tea. Can I pick up something for you while I’m there?”

    That way, your neighbors could start a blog about how wonderfully neighborly their little town is.

  5. I dread to ask if you take sugar.

  6. what about a biscuit? tea without a biscuit is, hmmm, undrinkable (how many neighbours do you have?).

    or … try mint from the garden to make a light summery tisane!

  7. Easy. Keep a cow and grow your own (tea).

  8. Ever tried milking chickens?

  9. Or, if it’s easier, simply move to a place where the local shops stay open 24 hours.

  10. You have some wonderful neighbours!

    You’re lucky to live in the Uk by the way. Here in the Netherlands dairy farmers went on strike because of the low milk price, and they refused to deliver any milk, so a lot of shops simply ran out.

  11. No need to dodge Short Tony, Jonny. As a public service, I’m here to call you an idiot any time, day or night. Give me half a chance and I’ll get it tattooed on your forehead too…

    Next stop the bread bin, I suppose?

  12. But you had THREE things to go to the shops for, silly boy! Tea, milk to replace the BORROWED milk from ST, and milk for you, as a jug isn’t going to last forever. And I bet the chickens are all out of french fancies too, come to that!

  13. Has anyone ever called you an idiot???!

  14. Hullo clarissa. People take out radio commercials and everything.

  15. Are you sure you just couldn’t afford to buy milk and tea?

  16. My neighbour works at Sainsburies but she never has tea, sugar or milk – she just sticks a mug over the back fence and I top it up!

  17. Dear Jonny,
    For shame—I, a Yank, NEVER run
    out of tea. I’m sure you will insinuate that it is not a “proper cuppa” however instead of milk I add vodka and ice! Perfect on a summer day!
    Oh, and what happened to the running?You could have been there and back within a 1/2 hour and no worries for the enviroment?! I think someone is getting a little to comfortable with all your fame!!!

  18. ***Drats … it’s too comfortable with all the fame….must proofread!!!

  19. YOU ARE AN IDIOT

  20. I will be moving to your neck of the woods in the next couple of months. I usually have skimmed milk and Earl Grey tea-bags in. Would you like me to carry a stock of anything else?

  21. Poor baby. No tea when you really really want a cup is the worst thing ever.

    I do miss living in the country (can’t afford it around here) but I do not miss the 2-mile hike to the nearest shop. I do appreciate living in town and being able to nip to the corner shop (couple of hundred yards maybe, open til 9pm, does semi-skim and ordinary teabags) and the Co-op (not that much further, open til 11pm, does skim milk and Earl Grey) or even Sainsbury’s (half a mile or so down the hill, skim milk, goats milk and Darjeeling). Even better, I can send my children to fetch things.

  22. Can I just point out that this comments box is an Earl Grey free zone?

    It is not a tea. It is a cry for help.

  23. Thank you Johnny, I laughed and laughed.

    We used to run out of milk regularly so decided to keep a carton of UHT in the cupboard for emergencies (although we’d have to be really desperate – we’re not French). Then we got a bread maker, which always meant at the very least we’d have some milk powder.

    How long do you think it took before we ran out of all 3 at once??

    We get it delivered now at double the price of the shops and in the sort of quantities that I am forced to make teenage daughters drink hot chocolate in the evenings just to use the milk up.

  24. Ha! In the third world we might not have dishwashers. But we never run out of milk or tea. Yah boooo.

  25. NAGA - Back From Holiday

    I might be wrong but, didn’t you once borrow the LTLP’s expressed milk? Has she run out now?

  26. Yeah, now that’s comedy!

  27. UHT is the Earl Grey of milk…

  28. Hullo Billie and welcome – I like your beads.

  29. Don’t you drink coffee!!

  30. Okay, just so you don’t think I am a total waste of space – I do not drink Earl Grey, that’s the province of my dear husband and a couple of sons. Me and son-in-the-middle like Darjeeling, aka the champagne of teas. My mother and father recoil in disgust at my idea of a nice cuppa, refer to it as dishwater, and bring their own bags of Sainsbury’s Red Label when they come to call.

  31. sandwichfilling

    I used to read your blog but that was before I knew about you disgusting attitude towards Earl Grey tea. Still at least you don’t tolerate UHT milk.

  32. Hello there, Jonny. I finally made the jump from lurker to leaving a comment. And thanks for your comment on my beads.

  33. JB’s right, Earl Grey STINKS, and is not tea.

    With regard to calling the author an idiot, start a trend and state as much in his local newspaper, the Lynn News.

    The advertising people can be contacted here:

    http://www2.lynnnews.co.uk/adsdirect/home.html

    It’s cheap, and you’ll be doing my local community a service. Thank you.

  34. I haven’t visited for a while because my laptop is still suffering from death. This post made me howl like a dog (in my head).

  35. Pingback: Bright Meadow » Sunday Roast: I’m a time traveller. I point and laugh at archaeologists

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