The LTLP’s holiday has been planned for ages.
“I’m really busy,” I warn her. “I’ve been so up against it that I’m going to have to work. Sorry.”
She gives me one of her Rosemary West glares, and I change my mind. We do family type things instead.
“Want to wander up there for a game of snooker?” enquires Short Tony, a bit later on the Tuesday afternoon. I tell him that I cannot, as I am busy having a holiday with the LTLP, and that anyway I would not be going up there on a Tuesday afternoon at all, as I am very busy with work under normal circumstances and do not spend my life playing snooker. The LTLP nods vigorously.
It has been nice spending a bit of quality time together – a bit like when we first met but with fewer bad haircuts. We have done some DIY and been to pubs and gone shopping.
“I really can’t,” I tell John Twonil on the telephone later on. The LTLP looks on with a querulous expression. “We are doing nice family things. Plus I don’t know what gave you the impression that I would ever be available to play snooker on a Tuesday afternoon at any point, as I am always busy working.” I replace the receiver hurriedly.
By the time Big A has wandered over on Wednesday morning to see if I fancy a game of snooker, I have got quite defensive. The LTLP says nothing. I can tell what she is thinking.
To be honest, I have very much enjoyed the week. I had forgotten what it was like being away from a PC screen for any length of time, apart from when playing snooker, and I have found that it is refreshing and energising. I will return soon, when the refreshing and energising process is complete.
Fancy an end or two of billiards, old boy? You’re normally good for it, what? What’s that? You’re having a holly-day? But you haven’t gone anywhere. Doesn’t sound like much of a holly-day to me. Sounds like you’re wearing the pink handcuffs to me and you don’t want the memsahib to know what shenanigans you get up to while she’s not there. Dirty Jonny.
Stand up and be a man, old boy. Show her who wears her pants.
Your ‘work’ activities have been uncovered!
At least it was only snooker.
You think the LTLP is mad about the snooker? Wait ’til she finds out about your 24×7 pocket billiards marathons…
Damn. Is v. early here and the only comment I can come up with has something to do with ‘snookered’ only I don’t know what. Hoped someone else would say it first and be incredibly clever so I could think to myself that I was going to be at LEAST that amusing. I hate Thursdays.
john twonil? I think i know his sister sandra noscoredraw.
Does the LTLP think DIY is one of the things listed under “quality time”? After the previous accidents that you have had it would never make my list of Things I do During Quality Time.
I don’t know about that, Zed. I suspect that if I were the LTLP – lounging in the garden under a shady tree with a large G&T in hand – the prospect of watching Jonny haplessly pin himself to a fence with a nail-gun while chickens crap on his head would bear all the hallmarks of a perfect summer afternoon…
Fine.
Enjoy your holiday.
AFTER you answer me why the chickens have coleslaw on their heads.
I’m WAITING…. *tap, tap, tap*
Oh well – ummm – they are just not much good at eating their salad, so tend to be able to eat the lettuce and tomatoes and stuff, but they get the coleslaw on their heads. Which is amusing, in a way, but a bit frustrating as it is Tesco ‘Finest’ and a bit of a waste.
Hard work, getting refreshed and energised, isn’t it?
Tesco? Tesco?
If it wasn’t for Tesco, all the post offices would still be open and petrol would be 30p a litre.
They’re taking over. You mark my words.
I tell you what, Mr JonnyB, you have some of the most erudite and amusing commenters in the whole of blogland. I mean, your posts are beautifully crafted and all that, but your comments have Class. Real Class. I don’t think I can compete.
Snooker, Bowls, Pints in the pub.
Isn’t your life one long holiday when the LTLP is at work.
DIY!! – Seems like this week you’ve actually been working!
Snap, Jonny. Also spending this week with the management. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m rather enjoying it too.
I miss snooker though.
Since you’re on a holiday, aren’t you supposed to be taking a trip to the emergency department soon? Or does that only apply when you go away on holiday? Otherwise I’m expecting Ivan’s prediction to come true (and that is one laugh out loud funny image, that is).
Have you taken LTLP out for a meal sans baba? If not why not? Do try to remember a few of life skills.
‘Petticoat govt’. I love it. I must find out what the Rosemary West glare is.
[Lola @ #12, don’t tell him that, his head is big enough].
Your LTLP actually wanted to spend her vacation time at home instead of going somewhere? Man, did you luck out. You could be in the Canary Islands even now, or sharing a room at her parents. Of course, now she gets to see how you really spend your days.
Do keep your priorities straight. When you’re done with all the working and holidaying, it’s snooker first, then blogging.
Dear Jonny B
Would you like a (free) holiday in Canada? We like to ‘mingle with the stars’, as it were, and that means YOU. I can promise you a clean cabin in our woods, and all-expenses-paid trips to our local attractions, namely:
– the ostrich farm
– the Exotarium (i.e., reptile farm)
– the Squash Interpretation Centre
– the honey farm
– the church where the local weekend motorcyclists go to get their motorcycles blessed.
We have full ‘en suite’ facilities and will not pester you in any way!! What do you think?
Congrats Jonny!
‘refreshed and energised’….
So, you’ve inadvertantly been struck by lightening whilst in the shower?
How do you interpret squashes?
try asking short tony what happened to his bathroom door. good story. 😛