I am forced to accept this, as I watch one perching arrogantly on the higher extended escape-proof bit of fence that we constructed. I carefully tip-toe in to talk it down, like the chicken whisperer.

I feel very foolish. ‘Can chickens fly?’ is one of those questions like ‘why are there seasons?’ and ‘how does electricity work?’. You sort of think you know the answer and that it is all simple, but once you try explaining it to people then you realise that you are getting a bit bogged down.

I am not too sure about the options. I really do not want to put a chicken wire roof on, as I suspect it will make what is at present quite a pleasant environment into something a bit guantanamobayey.

And then there is the issue of wing-clipping. I know all the books say that it is what you should do and it doesn’t hurt and it is just like having your toenails cut, but I have a small feeling that it is not like having your toenails cut at all, and more like having a leg removed under general anaesthetic. Essentially, shorter toenails would not change my life materially for better or worse, whereas I suspect that a reduction in leg quantity would.

Short Tony returns from his holidays today, and I have managed a whole week without something bad happening to any of them. None have got worms, I have not trodden on any of them, I have not rented any out to Max Mosley. And we still have a full complement, so even though they can escape in theory, they clearly choose not to.

‘I must do everything in my power to make it a happy environment for them,’ I thought this morning as I went out in my pants to let them out. I do not wish to be a benevolent gaoler; I wish them to stay of their own accord.

CHICKEN ENTHUSIASTS! Stock up with your chicken stuff here…

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73 thoughts on “The chickens can fly!!!

  1. guyana gyal says:

    If dem there chickens fly, you’d better wear more than just pants ’cause when de chicken poo drops from de sky…

  2. guyana gyal says:

    argh, that was supposed to be de 2nd comment…darn wordpress…

  3. Marianne says:

    I would SO watch The Chicken Whisperer. Redford in his pants, talking to chickens: something to think about! Keep us posted. Marianne

  4. JonnyB says:

    Hullo Hot Toast and welcome. Stalker!!! Stalker!!!

    I have been away for a couple of days so am just off into their area to count them. I also want to know WHERE ARE MY EGGS????

  5. Jules Ritter says:

    Okay it’s been five days now and I am dying for my chicken fix. All I get is another look at that typo in the first line…Surely something must be happening up there? Julesritter.com

  6. NAGA - WI says:

    SORRY – I was making a cake.

  7. JonnyB says:

    Nobody mentioned about the typo!!! I NEVER do typos!!! Or at least not often. It is humiliating.

  8. Jules Ritter says:

    That’s the kind of girl I am, the others are yourfriends. Talking of which, since I have done you a favour how about going over to my site and leaving a comment? Or we can play spot the typo/grammatical error? You owe me one chicken boy.

  9. Pat says:

    Jules : do you know what you are asking? The earth has to move first.
    Typos aren’t so shame making as posting a You tube which then refuses to work. I’m covered in honte.

  10. guyana gyal says:

    I was going to mention ‘FORCD’ but I thought it was something like ect. Or dogg.

    And three comments in a row do not a stalker make. [Huff]. Oh, I see, you were referring to Hot Toast. Phew.

  11. Lucy says:

    What typo in the first line? Am I just being blind?

  12. Jules Ritter says:

    He’s done it Lucy. That’s it for this week then an “e”.

    Pat: Well I can tell from my stats that “he” (CB) came over to have a look but then fled. Feel like I’ve had a one night stand, you know that morning after feeling ….

    You are not the only one covered in honte but then it is better than chicken shit!

  13. JoAnne says:

    Jonny! Where be ye?

  14. The chickens have got ‘im, JoAnne. I warned him he would be no match for their feral strength and low cunning, but he wouldn’t listen to me.

    Now he’s tied up behind a reclaimed door, with an egg chute stuffed up his arse. A sad day for primates everywhere. That man is a waste of his opposable thumbs…

  15. Pat says:

    Jules: how can you tell it is he? There are lots of folk from Norfolk and if it is his site, it could be any one of the commenters. I’m not being clever – as anyone will tell you – I know nothing.
    I did once have a helpful comment from him.

  16. Jules Ritter says:

    Pat, CB refers to Chicken Boy.

    I have no interest in whether or not he is a celebrity, as some think he is, I just want my chicken news. I fear and part of me, if I am being completely honest, hopes, that Ivan the Terrible’s prophecy comes true…. Blog writers have obligations you know.

  17. Sarah P says:

    I think the chickens are holding him hostage until Short Tony installs a new door with a letter box and working door bell.

    Long live poultry.

  18. Pat says:

    You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling.
    Oh oh that lovin’ feeling!

  19. Jayne says:

    Those chickens are taking up entirely too much of your time. Eat them all now…

  20. NAGA - Misper Association says:

    Don’t fret. The long suffering LTLP has him tagged.

    I understand a further Tracker Device may have been secreted about his Person by – The Chickens Who Can Fly. Which is very useful for those JBAWOL moments.

    Not sure if either work under the influence of alcohol though.

  21. JonnyB says:

    Calm down!!! I don’t know which are more needy – the chickens or you lot.

    On reflection it is probably the chickens, as I don’t have to give you food and water and put you to bed at night and stuff.

  22. freddie says:

    sorry about dropping off the radar…. been at the paintbrush, and have done far more than is sensible, but, my, the hovel now is looking lovely and smelling sweet….

  23. your a jerk says:

    yes.chickens can fly but they cant fly long istance so they could only fly to ummmm idk but all i know is they cant fly long distance so…..tahts all i know about chickens if they can fly sooo have fun doing what ever…..! (:

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