“Girl’s phone! It’s a girl’s phone! Hahahaha!”

I am getting a bit tired of this ridicule. It is not as if I am particularly affected by it. It is just boring and predictable. If people want to spend hundreds of pounds on the latest ‘fashionable’ gadget when there is one in perfect working order that they can get for free then they are the idiots, not I.

John returns from the toilet.

“Mppphhhhhffrggghahahahaha!” he laughs. He is bloody immature. Short Tony and Big A join in. So are they. Even Mrs Short Tony, who you think would have some sort of gender solidarity.

“You are wasting your breath,” I inform them. “Water off a duck’s back.”

“A duckie’s back,” interjects Eddie, a quite inappropriate gayist remark.

Honestly, they are all living in the dinosaur ages. It is the 21st century now, and if I want to carry round a pink phone then I am perfectly at liberty to do so. The world has moved on, and I am proud to say that I have moved with it.

25 thoughts on “The Chipper Barman’s face lights up.

  1. Eliza says:

    ‘Even Mrs Short Tony, who you think would have some sort of gender solidarity.’

    are you trying to tell us something?

  2. Mr Wibble says:

    Has it got a Peter Andre ringtone?

  3. Oli says:

    Have you moved with it into the world of interior design?

  4. Stand firm Jonny. You’re far too fat and slovenly to be gay, so all those slurs of effeminacy should bounce harmlessly off of your thick protective carapace of blubber.

    One doesn’t have to be gay to be sad and ineffectual. I give you the late Frank Spencer, exempli gratis. Still and all, I think he would’ve drawn the line at a pink phone. He wasn’t a complete tosser, you know…

  5. JonnyB says:

    Frank Spencer did have a very fit wife, which was always impressive.

    I do not know, Mr Wibble. There are millions of ‘options’ but I haven’t a clue how to use them. I just want it to sort of… ring.

  6. Fanto says:

    I still didn’t get the memo that said it was ok for guys to wear pink shirts. The concept of a man with a pink mobile is more than I can comprehend.

    And in Norfolk as well???????

  7. greavsie says:

    To rework a phrase:

    Are you the only pink phone user in the village?

  8. Mr Angry says:

    Do you realise most phones come with an ability to replace the fascia?

    Go to pretty much any market, and for five pounds your phone could instead be adorned by pictures of Teddy Bears, Cats or Take That.

  9. beth says:

    Why do you keep getting it out?

    I can understand you would ‘just want it to sort of … ring’ and
    I’m sure someone will want to speak to you one day, but in the mean time, ‘a watched pot’ & all that.

  10. AndyB says:

    This B appendage, Jonny…. it’s not Jonny llewelyn- “B” owen, is it?

  11. Scary Mary says:

    Which is gayer, a pink phone
    or a WeightWatchers meeting?
    The meeting, no doubt. Of course. Yes.

    Stand firm, Johnny. Stand firm.

  12. Duncan says:

    girlie girl

  13. spazmo says:

    An old Al Pacino movie informs us that the colour of the phone is not half as important as the choice of pocket in which it is displayed.

    Likely you knew this already, but it’s handy info for the rest of the lads…

  14. Grumpy B says:

    Is it pink?

    Or has the pub sub-standard lighting?

    It could be Orange …..

    … .. ha ha …. ha ha-ha … ha-ha …..

    Oh. I’m sorry.

  15. Tom says:

    Maybe you could accessorise? In addition to a madonna ringtone perhaps a matching pink shirt and maybe even some matching pink shoes?

    Show them how man you are and just how much you’ve moved on.

    (or regressed – in victorian times pink was for boys and blue was for girls. So in actual fact Jonny, It might be argued that you really are just stuck in the past and that potentially it is you that needs to move on? oh, the postmodernity of it all).

  16. Miss T says:

    It is good to be pink and proud.

    Also, fascia is a word. This is quite exciting.

  17. JonnyB says:

    That’s right – I’d forgotten that pink for gurls is quite a new thing. Actually, no I hadn’t forgotten. I hadn’t heard. Pink? Gurls?

  18. In a letter to the Independent last week, Ashley Martin wrote: “Congratulations to the scientists who have developed technology that enables mobile phones to be used under water. Perhaps they could now invent technology that enables mobile phones to be used in north Norfolk.”

    Could this be a clue to your predicament?

  19. Scary Mary,

    Jonny can’t “stand firm” until he’s attended WW; he can only “stand flabby.”

  20. Mark says:

    I’d get a man bag to keep it in – that will shut them all up …

  21. tillylil says:

    better tell the ltlp to buy herself a blue one next time if you are in line for her cast offs

  22. JonnyB says:

    Zinnia – the flood defences are quite weak, so it will be ok after then.

  23. rashbre says:

    bright objects are harder to lose

  24. Rufus S Later says:

    I have the answer to all your phone hue problems:


    Something tells me you may have the requisite manufacturing skills.

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