We go for a walk!!!

Leaving the car the abandoned side of parked, we head off down the grassy track, towards the large metal gate and the downs. Pushing the three-wheeled baby buggy, I pretend that I am driving a rally car. I do not tell the LTLP this.

We encounter a grey-haired lady at the gate. A scrawny dog scampers by her side; we let them through the gap before us.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” I say.

“Oh, it’s wonderful isn’t it?” she replies.

“Bit of a black cloud up ahead though,” I caution.

She heads off into the distance, our conversation about the weather complete. Below me, sat in her imaginary Audi Quattro, I know the baby is absorbing this. Soon she will be able to make pleasantries about the weather also, and thus be admitted into English Society.

Further up the path, a couple cycle tentatively towards us. On our right, a small field is enclosed within a wire fence. Its grass is a deep, deep green – lush – almost artificially so in comparison with the rest of the meadowland. I feel that I ought to say something about it. It is truly remarkable.

“Lovely day,” I remark.

“Beautiful!” replies one of the cyclists.

I do not mention the grass. It would be somehow wrong. They would consider me odd. We walk on.

Round the corner, some cows are meandering around a hilly bit. There are probably only six or seven – a herdlet – mooching the day away on grass. They are, I realise, perfect cows. Spotless, friendly-looking and black-and-white, they are the epitome of cow. If you were commissioned to photograph a cover shot for the front page of ‘Cow World’ then you would come here and select one of these ones. Pristine cows. Hollywood cows.

“Lovely and sunny now, isn’t it?” I remark to the middle-aged couple who pass us at this point. I do not mention the cows. If I start talking about perfect cows, they will probably call the police. Best stick with weather. That is what We Do.

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