I receive a bequest!!!

I have never received a bequest before, my relations generally not being part of the monied classes. I closely study the solicitor’s letter in some shock. Obviously I can’t actually understand the letter, but it mentions a figure, and has a cheque attached, so I assume it must be for real.

I pace around a bit. With money comes worries, and I do not want e.g. to be ripped off in the Village Shop by the Village Shop Man dressed as a fake sheikh. My celebrity status also brings the risk of extortion, blackmail etc by those who would forge photographs of me with prostitutes. Fortunately I think of this immediately, and am able to provide an alibi by saying here first that people might forge photographs of me with prostitutes, thus proving that any subsequent photographs of me with prostitutes will be forgeries, especially ugly ones.

I worry about the starving orphans in Africa. Obviously it would be good to help them, but actually raising awareness is much more important, so I resolve to raise some awareness by writing about them in my secret internet diary.

A glimmer of doubt crosses my mind. I look again at the letter, and worry that I might have fallen victim to a practical joke and that Short Tony and Big A will appear suddenly at the window pointing and laughing at me because they have faked the letter and cheque using a D.T.P. system. Either that or my grandmother will jump out saying ‘aha!!! Fooled you, I am not actually dead!!!’

But this does not happen, and I clutch the letter not knowing what to make of things. It has been a strange, wonderful, overwhelming week and I remain at a loss for words.

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