The LTLP inspects the envelope suspiciously.

“Open it!!! Open it!!!” I am excited.

She raises half an eyebrow.

“This had better,” she states, pursing her lips, “not be another Blake’s Seven one.”

We have joined a DVD club. It is really good. You pay them a small amount per month and the post lady brings you DVDs that you have put on a list, using the Internet. Then you watch them and wander over the road and pop them into the GPO box set into the stone wall. We joined because the LTLP is very pregnant and needs to sit down a lot and watch DVDs whilst I get her things. Apparently.

“I’m sure it isn’t.”

“You open it.”

“Can I?”

I slit open the envelope eagerly.

“What is it then?”


“I don’t believe it!” she cries, snatching the disc from my hand. I step back slightly out of harm’s way.

“All I want,” she continues, “is to watch a nice fucking film. One of the ones that I put on the list. And every time we get something it’s Blake’s fucking Seven. I can’t believe you – you must have moved my choices down on the list.”

She is being unfair. “I didn’t, honest,” I plead, thinking about it for a bit. “It was probably Orac. He can control any computer, you know.”

I do not know what the LTLP has against Blake’s Seven, which was an excellent programme from the 1980s set in space. I think it is due to peer pressure that females pretend not to like things set in space, which reinforces gender stereotypes just as much as blokes not liking things about knitting and dollies.

It is either that or she is secretly jealous because she thinks I fancy Jenna (played by Sally Knyvette). I have the last laugh however as I only pretend to fancy Jenna whereas really I fancy Cally (Jan Chappell) who is the non-Agnetha one, and quite cute and vulnerable and also she is telepathic so you wouldn’t need to go through the embarrassment of asking her to dress as Kirstie Allsopp.

However clearly there is a disagreement between us.

“I will make sure that your women’s films are at the top of the list,” I promise. “Just as soon as I turn the PC on.”

We settle down to watch the episode.