This post originally appeared on Naked Blog.

The Village Shop Lady hands me a paper bag.

It’s from the Parish Council (Church Fete Organising Sub-Committee).

Instructions are stapled onto the side. I study them closely as I return to the cottage.

I am to put something to the value of one pound into the bag, seal it, then return it to the shop. Then it will be sold for a pound at the Fete in July.

I am better with words than figures, but even I can spot the flaw in this plan. If I put something in that’s worth a pound, and they sell it for a pound, then I am personally down by goods to the value of a pound.

These politicians think that we don’t notice, but once more they are taxing by stealth.

However the LTLP points out that I can buy a bag myself while I am there. And as long as the person concerned has honestly filled it with goods to the value of a pound then we will be all straight.

She is clever.

I am a bit nervous about attending the Church Fete. I’ve been watching a lot of Midsomer Murders recently, and am afraid there will be a bloody ritual killing. But I feel I should go. I just hope that they don’t ask me to open the thing just because of my Naked Blog celebrity.

But what to put in the bag? It’s unlikely that I can hit EXACTLY the pound mark, unless I went back to the shop and bought one hundred penny chews, which would kind of give the game away.

If I’m a bit under then there is a chance that I might be discovered. A bit over and I will have to ask for change, and I would hate there to be any unpleasantness.

The anarchist in me thinks I should include a bit of weed, or an old jazz mag. But again the risk of discovery is there, and my pound loss would pale into insignificance against the cost of having to move house and change identity.

I shall give it some thought.

* * *

Today’s recommendation, Diary of a Nobody. You may have seen this before. It’s funny but I’m not convinced it is genuine. Charles Pooter was the Belle de Jour of his day.

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