There were so many reasons why I really, absolutely, absolutely, didn’t need to get drunk last night.

Firstly, the Cheerful Builder starts work at 9am today. Renovations.

That gave me a two-hour window to get all my work done before the cottage becomes uninhabitable as a serious place of business for a week.

Secondly, I had a heavy weekend. Ten years ago I would have shrugged it off, but now I am old and my body is failing. I need early nights and Horlicks after a night on the lash.

So we popped round to Short Tony’s.

The person I admire most in the world, ever, is Short Tony.

Granted, he faces tough competition, what with Nelson Mandela, Mr Singh that did the marathon, etc etc. But for me it’s Short Tony all the way.

I’d like to say that this is because he’s a great father to his kids, as clearly he is. But this isn’t the reason. Nor is it because he’s made some courageous professional and personal decisions in order to focus on what matters in life.

He tops the list, because he has pulled off the most incredible, outstanding, daring and admirable feat in the history of marriage, ever.

Recently, he had his own builders in to make some alterations to the family home. The plan was to create a second bed/sitting room from one of the extensions, and a large family dining room in the main part of the house.

The plans subtly evolved as the work progressed. And now they have a ‘Playstation Room’ in one of the extensions, and a snooker room in the main part of the house. And he’s still married.

Anyway. He answered the door, looking very hearty indeed. Already.

“Come in!” he beamed. “I’ve packed the beers with fridge.”


And so it was that these valuable two hours have been lost to my own foolishness, although after a bath and a mug of tea I don’t feel too bad.

I do have to clear up some sick (the LTLP’s, not mine) however, as I think it might be pushing it to ask the Cheerful Builder to do that as part of his preparation.

And no, as I know you’re thinking it, I won’t be getting a snooker room. I will, however, be getting a large fireplace that I’ll be able to chuck things into from the comfort of the sofa, an activity at least as manly as snooker.

And looking back on what I’ve just written, at least I’ve used my remaining valuable time constructively.