Fishmonger!

Fishmonger!! I am indebted to Peter for ‘fishmonger’, which would have saved a whole lot of trouble from the word go. It’s one of those words that doesn’t get used much these days, and I feel that it’s part of our collective duty to cherish such phrases and to keep them alive. Although I won’t get much chance to contribute personally, being that the fish shop has… oh well, never mind.

So I stomped in yesterday evening, wishing that I’d gone for my third transport option – quicker, cheaper and more reliable. That is, to position myself outside the house with my briefcase and newspaper and wait for continental drift to carry me gradually South, until Norfolk was situated just adjacent to Surrey and I could do the whole journey in a brief stroll.

The real problem with transport in this country is not slowness, or even cost. It’s the fact that it’s just so teeth-grittingly unreliable. Train X might well be scheduled to get you to your Terribly Important Meeting on time, but to be safe you have to catch the one an hour beforehand. Likewise, it might take you an hour to get across the QE Bridge and round the M25, or it might take you three.

See. I told you this would be boring.

So, with apologies to the enthusiastic man from NASA, I find myself completely unable to get worked up about their new Scram Jet. Frankly, I just can’t get excited about being able to reach New York in seven seconds if I’ve just endured a four hour crawl to Heathrow Airport and a further three at check in being strip-searched for hidden toenail clippers.

And – forgive my cynicism – but there is just a teeny-weeny suspicion that the technology might go to the military before it’s passed on to the likes of EasyJet.

I check the website of Norwich International Airport, and as far as I can see they have no immediate plans to introduce scram jets on their flights. For the time being, I will stick with long weekends in Britain.

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