First day at Brownies.

“Go on,” I urge her. “You will enjoy it.”

It is Child #1’s first day at brownies. I have been encouraging her to go, as it will make her community spirited, being selfless and a good citizen and all that. I am quite into that at the moment, ever-striving to be a better person.

“I will be just next door,” I reassure her. “In the pub.”

“You just need to sign her in on thi…” Says Brown Owl.

“Yeah, yeah.” I make a scribble on the bit of paper and zip next door to the pub.

The pub is not busy at this early hour, so I am able to strive to be a better person in relative peace. It is good that my daughter and I are both able to do our duty to god and to the Queen etc. together as a family like this. It is a bonding experience.

The Brownies seems to have progressed in the days since my sister, RonnieB, was a keen attendee. The uniform is now all trendy, and they appear to offer activities that are not exclusively interesting to children from a South Lincolnshire family of Methodist farmers in Victorian times. Plus there is a residential camp thing which sounds very encouraging, although sadly lasts for a mere three days.

I return to pick her up an hour and a half later.

“Did you enjoy that, then?” I ask Child #1, whilst attempting not to breathe on Brown Owl.

“Excellent, I knew you would,” I continue, before she has a chance to reply.


  1. Ah bless!
    We can all remember when Servalan was born; when she took her first steps; the day you found out how she had been caused….so many memories.

  2. Johnny B!

    How I’ve missed you!

  3. I think you may find that Brown Owl is called Panda now, or so my granddaughter Squiffany tells me, unless things are different this end of Norfolk.

  4. Panda…?!?

    You are being fleeced by some sort of scam brownie operation. Go to the police. Now.

  5. Now? But it’s 10.30 pee emm, surely they’re getting ready to stalk innocent pubgoers on their way home.

    I’ll do some detective work. Panda’s name is Donna and you can’t mistrust someone called Donna, can you? She’s really nice, it all seems above board. Anyway, I’ve got her photo, just in case.

  6. Do they still do knot-tying? As soon as young Servalan masters the common noose I give you about three days, tops…

  7. Wait – Servalan is old enough for Brownies?!?! When did that happen?

    Was she a Rainbow first, or don’t you have them in Norfolk?

    I’m pretty sure they still do knots.

  8. I was a brownie. The Girl Scouts – to which we all aspired – were bullies. But times have changed. The Girl Scouts now offer a merit badge for video game development. No joke.

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