A while ago I came up with a spectacularly good plan.

Battling depression, following the loss of my secret hideaway that could only be reached by opening a swinging bookcase like in the Scooby Doo cartoons, I decided on a course of action.

I would create a secret wardrobe door that led into our bedroom, like in Narnia.

The LTLP was not greatly enthusiastic, but she would have come round in the end, like she did with the relationship an’ stuff. As it was, I spent ages studying the doorway and working out what would be required to create a really brilliant secret wardrobe entrance thing. Like in Narnia.

Then I discovered that the Canoe Man had got there first.

I do not normally do a cry for help via this private secret diary. But you have no idea – no idea – how it feels to discover that one’s cherished plans are not unique and brilliant after all, but are in fact of the same level of intellectual creative thinking and insight as the sort of plan that Canoe Man comes up with.

Honestly. You have no idea. None.

I am crushed.