Short Tony clenches his fist in frustration. I give him an apologetic look, but it is not my fault that the parcel people haven’t left it with me again. He tries to look past me into the kitchen, as if I might have taken delivery and hidden it somewhere, part of an underhand plan to make my own rival sausages.

As if I would do a thing like that!!! It would be silly and immature.

I do, however, have two items of post. There is a leaflet from the council encouraging me to address my energy use, and a leaflet opposing a local wind farm. I read them carefully.

The council one is interesting. They are putting on a seminar in order to show me how to be more efficient!!! I am encouraged to book well in advance to be sure of a place on the efficiency seminar, which is tomorrow night. I am quite into the new alternative energy thing, but it clashes with ‘Heroes’ so we will all have to fry.

The wind farm thing is more problematical, as I just do not know what side of the argument I am on. On one hand, wind is free and we are all going to fry. On the other, the government subsidy thing seems a bit dodgy and you have to think of the geese. I think the main point that the anti-wind farm people have not addressed however is that if we do not build windmills now, where the fuck will the teashops of the future be situated? I will make up my mind in due course.

I glance at the clock. It is time to think about dinner. It will not be sausages, even clandestine sausages that I have secretly made with a stolen machine, oh no.